Change

I know this might sound strange, or weird to some, and it might sound like me telling you something you’ve already knew, but here’s what I think – changes take place in us every day, even in the smallest way possible, it is happening. It might not seem like a big thing at this moment, but trust me when I say to you, that this change, this slightest shift in your life today, is going to make you, sculpt you to become who you are in the future.

Looking at myself a few years back, I was a clingy, controlling little bitch that thinks the whole world revolves around one person, and I’ve gone a long way since. I can tell you that this change didn’t take place in a day, or a month, or a year. It’s been ongoing since, the only sad part is that we’ve never notice the change in us, or in some way we fight, and resist this change that is happening.

Today, I am still, in a way, a clingy controlling little bitch that agrees that the whole world should revolve around one person. But this time, this person is myself. I know this sound strange but bear with me, I have a point here. You see, in this few years, so many things have taken place, and if you re-read what I’ve wrote before and how I’m writing now, you’d notice so many subtle changes in me that even probably you didn’t realised it before.

I strongly believe that everyone you meet today, good or bad, is going to sculpt the future you. Who knew following a Singaporean Blogger’s twitter would change my life and bring me to learn about gratitude? I mean, I always knew that life is about law of attraction and appreciation, but until a few months back, I have never really practice what I preach, until I started reading the Secret. It helped me open my eyes to the good things around me and eliminate the bad.

I’ve never felt so content or happy in my life. Truth is, in this two years, I always believe that I don’t deserve to be happy, or I don’t deserve to be love. But now, I think I do deserve it, everyone deserve to be happy. No one is judging you but yourself. No one can. So yeah.

Today I spoke to a close friend of mine whom believe that he’s constantly helping sculpt and teach other people but himself. He believe that it is always a one way road where he gives and never receive anything back. Here’s what I think. Even when you are helping someone to grow, you are learning the art of growing yourself. You might not see it now, you might not feel the change now, as cliche as it might sound, you will. You will feel the change in you in many years to come and then, that is when you realised that it is the people you hangout with before that made you who are today.

I honestly can’t go further into this topic because some skeptic will disagree or some will strongly agree, or perhaps you’ll think I make no sense but what I’m trying to say is, appreciate the people around you today, because even the smallest thing they do, can make the biggest impact in your future. I believe in gratitude, I believe that if you begin your day appreciating all the good you have in life, your day will only get better from there.

And today, I am thankful to have friends around me that pushes me to my limits, it is because of them I’ve learn to expand my horizon expand my view. I am thankful to have friends that assure me, it is because of them I know that even when I fall, they are there to pick me up. I am thankful to have such beautiful life and I, deserve to be happy. Guess why? Because the world does revolve around me, well, my world does. So is your world, it revolves around you so maybe today, you want to start appreciating yourself and what you’ve done so far. 

With love

This post is dedicated to a friend. This is written for our loved ones, the ones who have always been there for us, the ones who loved us with all their heart, the ones who took care of us, the ones who gave us their lives, and the ones who have left to a better place.

Dear loved one,

The fond memories with you will always stay with us, the time we spent together will serve as a reminder, a message of love during the lowest of our time, replaying as it instills in our heart that we are always love, by you. It serves as a promise, that your love is always pure, delicate, subtle yet filled with greatness.

Please know, where ever you are, you will never be forgotten, or be love any lesser just because you are far away. You are closer to our hearts than you'd ever imagined. Here is a promise, a vow, to you, that we will always love you no matter where you are, and what you have become. Because to us, you are always perfect, you are the angel that God sent to me, guiding me towards a better path, taking care of me when I didn't know better. Dear loved one, memories of you will never be lost, no matter how long you've gone.

There is always someone that will be in our heart, no matter who they are, family, partner, friends or even a pet. There will always be someone that we are afraid to lose, someone we've lost, someone we've loved so much and can never let go even after years and years have gone.

Just remember, they are never gone. They will always be there for us, watching after us, guiding us in a way we can never imagine, loving us even when we think we don't deserve it. Dear friend, you can drown in your sorrows, you can cry you can mourn, but never forget, that they will always stay in your heart. For eternity. and someday, we will meet again, by God's side. They are not gone, they just decided to meet the creator before us, to make sure everything is ready for us when it's our time.

Dear you, you will always be loved. Rest in peace

Both pictures from Google image

Expiration Date

Do you believe it, that every friendship has got an expiration date on it? I didn’t at first, well, me being me, you know, Shing’s world is always perfect and everyone is happy and ideal so to me, friends are forever and there shouldn’t be an expiration date on it. But I was proven wrong, by nothing else but time. You know how funny it is that you always say things like, "I’ll love you forever", "BFF", and all the other forever stuffs, and then next thing you know, time comes into the picture and proves to you that there’s no such thing as forever?

Yeah, that’s the same case scenario, which brings me to my point here.

Well, when I got into Uni, I met my housemate who is an amazing friend, great company and great listener, we talked about everything and anything and it just feels so chill hanging out with this friend. We talked about different things but there’s one thing he said that particularly caught my attention and I remembered it until this very day. Yes, he told me that friendship has an expiration date, for him it’s a year. Well I’m assuming you are giving the same faces and disagreement I gave him back then. I mean what rubbish! Friends are supposed to be forever, I’m still friends with my high school friends and what not. I was obviously wrong again. Yes I am still friends with everyone but honestly, other than the yearly “happy birthday” message you post on each other’s FB wall, and the smile and waves u give each other sometimes when you bump into them at the mall, do you really still talk to them? Well the only other time someone talks to me is when they try to sell me insurance or stuff so honestly sorry I think we grew out of each other years ago. Still friends nonetheless, but you get what I mean.

Then obviously brings me to my MAIN point and the main reason I wrote this post. There’s this friend I have, or had or whatever, he was a rather special friend to me because he was kind of the only other person besides my best friend I could share my deepest darkest secrets with. And when I was troubled and confused he was always there with open arms to take me in. Of course he’s got his own problems too but I guess because we are both equally fucked up people, we tend to be able to talk to each other better. But things changed. I know everything changes with time but things just changed. This friend of mine just suddenly seems to hate my guts and everything I do simply just piss him off.  I know I’m probably not a very likeable person, I mean I am aware that I am bossy and controlling and bad tempered, but when a person turns from a close friend to hating your guts, there must be something wrong. Either you have some serious issue or he got some serious issues. Again, I am aware of my flaws but I don’t know, I always thought friends should love each other for who they are and talk to each other when a problem arises (I mean I still love my housemate (as friends!) even though can be quite douche but because that’s how he is, right?) . Well maybe that only happen in my ideal perfect world and the real world is actually cruel and people just randomly turn from friend to foe. (urgh that is actually scary) I did talked to him a few times and sent a couple of emails apologizing for my misbehavior and horrible attitude but guess they didn’t came through to him.

Anyway, sorry for the sudden out of control ramble, you guys know what I’m like, but I rather believe that we grew out of each other in the span of this year. We simply weren’t compatible as friends anymore. So yeah, I guess what I’m trying to say from the beginning is that expiration dates do exist, but it really depend on the person anyway because if you really care, you’d take whatever action necessary to prolong this date. 

I’d do that for any of my friends, would you?