8 May 2009

The malay chinese relationship

Right, I didn't forget about my promise on telling the tale of the Chinese Malay couple thingy but things came up and I haven't been online since but that is another tale after all.

I hope I didn't sound too much like a racist on my previous post *laugh* I would be the last person to be said as a racist okay, I myself dated Malay guys and have those crush on them once.. =p
Back to the story.

So the other day, a close friend of mine called me in the middle of the night crying her heart out.
What happened?
She had to break up with her almost one year Malay bf due to the disapproval of her family. She is from the typical chinese family and was one of the people who looked at me with raised eyebrow when I told them I was dating a malay guy back then. Now, get the picture?

Alright, so this girl was not doing well in her relationship all the while with other guys, until she met this malay guy during work. They were... happy. She was happy, and for the first time ever in my life and for the almost seven years knowing her, she was genuinely happy. And I was happy for her.

However, (saw it coming didnt you?) her parents was suspecting something and one day her dad called her on the phone and yelled at her to go home at once.Well she was out with the bf la of cuz. The thing is that her dad don't yell at her very often so you can see how mad was he.

So she had to choose between her family and her bf.
Well, we all know that family stays with you forever but her bf was the one who really made her happy. But at last she choose her parents and decided to call off the relationship.
Ahh.. I bet my parents would love her as a daughter lol.

This is the story of my friend, but I bet there's more of this cases everywhere. I once had my aunt told me that no matter what happen I cannot date a Malay guy, Indian guy can but not malay. (what the hell right?)

How racist is that? My far far away cousin married a Malay girl, and the adults in my family was cursing at the girl, saying that she "jampi" my cousin, or brainwashed him in university... They even went as far as trying to bring him back from Uni kay?!! But i think she looks really decent and she can cook really well! =) So what's the problem right? sigh...

Well, alot of comments at the previous post says that its ok to date a Malay guy/girl. Yes its ok for us, but for our parents its an entirely different story.
I think it is up to us now to change their stereotype because Malay or not, we are still human, and Malaysians afterall.
But of course, some Malay Chinese couple works extremely well like my buddy Yeewon n her bf! =)
Alright, I'm gonna end this now. thank you for reading. =)
bye~

54 comments:

kim-chan said...

I see...so that is why you asked that question...

Yeah, marriage still needs approval from parents after all. =( It is sad though, I mean since both love each other so much...but parents have the stereotypes and stuffs.

I hope is not sensitive issue but, parents worry of converting after marriage thingy. Other than that, I cannot think of anything on why they disagree lor...

nanti carik said...

yup u r right kim-chan..btw this is nice topic...especially for those who r open minded..

nowadays people dont really looking at race to fall in love even in western many black-white couples n settle down...

actually i'm a malay guy got some experience in relationship with girl who r different race...u r right about mix couple doing well...thanks God we doing well in study during pre-university n now im doing medicine in UKM n she in UPM..

but the problem arise when the parent involved, she really think about her future what will happen..she might lost her family even hate by them if she continue the relationship..i believe she already spoken to her family.

tat time i can do nothing, i can juz said.."if u r strong enough to endure all this, i believe we can make it..it juz take sometime for them to accept it"..however i respect her choice not to risk her life...coz this is real life..not a drama frm tv

i believe "love" doesnt end up with marriage...juz pray for her will meet good guy or even better to be her future husband....but i nvr give up looking for diffrnt race girl lol...not to mention chinese, indian, kadazan, iban or watever..

there some teory about mix child doing better (espc brain part..n oso more beauty)..maybe when u hv kid u will looking for it too lol..

wow look like im making blog too lol....maybe i should hv 1...got another story about this topic juz im busy lately in final yr..maybe next yr haha..

btw thanks for the topic..im really enjoy ur story....

SHINGYEE said...

Hi, thank you for the long long comment. It is really touching about the story of you and your gf. I believe such incident happens all the time and it is entirely up to us (the younger generation) to change the whole stereotype about this.

and thank you for liking the story.
=)

nanti carik said...

if u got friendster add me on this link...i post buletin a lot there lol...

http://profiles.friendster.com/16070343

cya..waiting for ur next story lol ^_^

Kambeng Jantan said...

“Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.", a famous quote from the movie Forrest Gump starring Tom Hanks as Forrest and Robin Wright as Jenny. MOST people just like to see things on the surface and never try to understand certain things better. Their disregard other people’s feelings and very much self centered or perhaps chose to mind their own business. Perhaps if everybody at least followed Rebecca Bloomwood in Confessions of Shopaholic to GOOGLE on everything, the world will become a nicer place to live. I don’t call certain someone racist but without proper understanding on certain topics, people will tend to have a wrong perception of certain something. Assumptions and prejudice are not part of our loving community of Malaysian. Hellooooo…asking malay to eat pork just because you don’t eat beef!! WTFish!! We have feelings as well, have some respect. Tq.

If I were to make a movie on this Malay-Chinese relationship, I would like to call it ‘Understanding’. The theme song would be Luo Ye Gui Gen by Lee Hom (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NlHi9rkKUaI). The story is about a not typical malay guy who studied in Main Main (play play) University, Cyberjaya who had a sometimes-marvelous-sometimes-not-so-marvelous relationship with a half Chinese half malay girl(dad is Chinese who embraced Islam for the past 35 years) that lasted 3 years and 5 days. That extra 25 days purposely added by the girl who broke up with him just to make the record nicer…ngam ngam 3 years but ter-add 5 days due to unforeseen circumstances. Anyway, in this movie, the heart broken Raymond Weil (bukan nama sebenar) went back to his sweet hometown called Ipoh for good after staying in KL for the past 5 years, hence the theme song =p.

A brief about Raymond, he is straight, not ugly and love shopping. Today, since started working in KL, Raymond frequents hair salon for hair wash every week, visits Chic Salon by Soong Ai Ling at Bangsar to do manicure every month and do facial every 5 weeks at his favorite spa somewhere remotely located in Klang Valley.

2 years ago when he finished his studies in Main Main University, he went back to Ipoh to settle his scholarship debt with his father. Working on somewhat high salary for any fresh graduate and packaged to receive ridiculous bonuses throughout the year, Raymond decided to serve his daddy even beyond his willingness.

As a loser, Raymond got nothing else fun to do besides searching for which Salon to go to get his hair wash. He stumbled upon this one Salon in Ipoh managed by a 30++ year old Chinese MILF. As a typical young adolescence, he decided that SANTIAGO is going to be his favorite salon from then onwards. After 2 sessions, he found out his old guy frequents that salon as well...DANG!! Raymond was never seen anywhere near SANTIAGO again until…

“Angah, jom teman ayah potong rambut” his dad told him one day. “Alaa, ayah nak pegi mane? SANTIAGO ke? Bosan la tempat tu….takpelah jom lah jom lah” Raymond replied reluctantly.

There he was entering SANTIAGO with his beloved dad with after 2 months not anywhere near. “Wow, ade dah lenglui lah” whisper his heart upon spotting a HOT new hairstylist there.

After numerous visits later, he found out the Chinese girl already has a steady boyfriend of 2 years. Although a bit heartbroken, he continued to frequent the salon for his haircut and the weekly hair wash. After 1 and a half year having normal customer and hairstylist professional relationship, Jessie(bukan nama sebenar) told Raymond she will join Andy Ho Academy(bukan nama sebenar) in Kuala Lumpur(bukan lokasi sebenar) the following week. Raymond felt like the whole sky falling on him and decided to spend as much quality time as he still can with Jessie. For the first time in his life, Raymond decided to get his hair highlighted just for the sake of spending some extra minutes with the HOT hairstylist.

For 4 months after Jessie left, Raymond had been hopping to different salons in Ipoh every week to get his hair done. He basically know where and where to get best hair service in the whole town of Ipoh. His vast knowledge of hair salons in Ipoh amazed only a handful of his friends.

Life was never the same again. Raymond been skipping work and spend most of his office hours in Starbucks sipping his usual Hot Vanilla Steamed Milk or spending the the whole 2nd half of the day in Infinity Cyber Café playing Dota. One fine day, out of boredom, Raymond sends a text to Jessie just to say Hi. Raymond jumps in joy when he found out Jessie is actually been working with SANTIAGO since 2 months ago.
Perhaps, the good news is not as happy after all. Raymond already been accepted to a new job in KL. He left for KL 3 days later regretting everything for not even trying to contact Jessie for the past 4 months.

In KL, Raymond lives a totally 360” life. He gained popularity at a very fast pace. His name is always in the guest list of whatever party being it at famous clubs or private venues in KL. Perhaps, this could be resulted from his new job which very much related to the music and entertainment industry or he was just uber cool. This gave him opportunity to meet new girls (Hot Chics Included) every now and then.
His star sign as a VIRGIN, the virgo but not any virgo but TRUE virgo helps him very much in understanding women. His 3 years and 5 days of self-endure-pain-suffering relationship taught him a special skill in seeing girls right through their heart. Yet he is still single and available and his life beyond parties and private events very much lonely. His love life experiences were never anywhere as well. Scandals with people’s girlfriends including own best buddy are common for Raymond.

Again, out of boredom, Raymond texted Jessie one fine day. They keep on exchanging messages for a few weeks until Raymond found himself a new scandal in KL to concentrate with and continue contacting Jessie as soon as the scandalous relationship over.
Raymond always had interest in Jessie but the fact that Jessie already taken made Raymond parted with his noble desire. Now that his notorious stories well embedded within him, he couldn’t care less about Jessie’s boyfriend and decided to give it a go. One after another appointments scheduled with Jessie but no actual meetings took place.
One day, Jessie has confirmed her availability as she will be attending a beauty conference in KL.

“BORING STORIES CUT SHORT”

Jessie worried about this Malay-Chinese relationship will never going to work. Knowing this, the first thing Raymond did was to meet Jessie’s dad and Jessie’s mom. Jessie was surprised yet happy because none of her guy friends including the Chinese went to see her parents just to introduce themselves. Jessie’s mom couldn’t be happier for her ONLY daughter and ONLY child to befriend such a polite and nice guy as Raymond. Jessie’s dad as usual, doesn’t talk much. Raymond treated that as a YES. In malay proverb there’s this one saying “Diam Tanda Setuju”. Until today, Raymond, a Malay guy and Jessie, a Chinese girl happily together.

-The End-

Meng said...

In my opinion, it's more to the matter of religion more than race. But when it comes to marriage, yes, parents do have the say and approval, BUT it's the life of 2 person. The couple are the ones staying together and living with each other, side by side, for the rest of their lives. Not the parents.

Apai Lah said...

Yes, I strongly agree with your opinion with different races dating with other races. We're still the same, got 2 legs, got 2 hands, 1 body, 1 mind. Why the heck we can't love people with different races? But the thing is, in Malaysia, religions is a hot topic. For example, a Muslim Malay guy want to married a Christian Chinese girl, confirm laa both families tak setuju even though they love each other. Huhu.

Just a question.. Ok, I'm a Malay guy, right now, how do you hook up with a Chinese girl aa? So far, for me its hard to start a conversation with them. Most of Chinese girl, I like because of the simpleness and their plain-style-fashion. :D Okay, if you see a Chinese girls wear a hot pant and just plain tees compared to Malay girls, what do you think? In my eyes, I like the Chinese better. :D Anyway, thanks for your post..really like it. 4 thumbs up! :D

Kambeng Jantan said...

meng: my driver once said to my dad "boss, saye nak kawen tapi bapak saye tak suke bakal bini" my dad replied "baguihler bapak kamu tak suke, kalau bapak kamu suke bakal bini, tak menikah ler kamu. bapak kamu yang menikah!!"

apai lah: dont la fikir so cetek. ko kasi malu kat melayu lah. janganla cakap chinese girl macam tu and malay girl macam ni. hehe

senang je, firstly, dont judge girl on their appearance, the way they dress, the way they put on makeup and whatever you see on the surface irrespective chinese, malay, indian or kadazan for that matter. GIRLS ARE HUMAN TOO. they have preference and likes as well on dressing. sigh

secondly, treat girl nicely, respect them and they will respect you. dont simply go to any chinese girl and say "wow, lenglui, you have nice sexy leg, you sexy lah". sure kena lempang one.

the easiest way is to make yourself likeable. use your charm. if you are not handsome or kacak dont worry. girls attracted to PERSONALITY. its not always all about 5 C's (car,cash,credit card,condo and club membership).

MAKE THEM LAUGH. girls of ALL RACES love funny guy. FUNNY is NOT making a FOOL out of yourself. go figure. make them happy.

STEP BY STEP GUIDE ON HOW TO PICKUP GIRLS AT CLUB (FOR BEGINNERS):
1) Make eye contact, dont go straight running to them. look once and maintain eye contact until they notice you. DO NOT TURN AWAY. MAINTAIN EYE CONTACT and SMILE
2) Check their respond, if they smile back then its on condition 1. if they turn away then its on condition 2.
*condition 1 = if you have drink on your hand, raised it up as if you're having an infrared TOAST/CHEERS/KAMPAI whatever
*condition 2=it's still 50/50. walks towards them and make sure you walk past them their friend whoever. remember to look back to them as you pass them. check if the girl checking you out. dont stop, walk straight elsewhere. the motive here is to tell the girl that you're around.

Kambeng Jantan said...

NEVER MAKE IT A POINT THAT YOU"RE INTERESTED at the girl. You need to establish attraction first. after few minutes, walk back passed the girl to your table/seat wherever. as you walk by, say sorry and smile. if the girl interested she will say "its ok" or "no worries" or something else (as long as she responds)

then start your charm by saying
1) Hi
2) introduce your name
3) offer your hand for handshake when saying out your name
4) smile
5) if she offered her hand, pull back your hand and say "oopps, sorry, i didnt wash my hand after going to toilet just now"
6) before she can say anything, quickly say "just kidding, hehe, i siap hantar pegi kedai dobi buat dry cleaning lagi my hand"

then let the conversation normal and neutral

things to be careful
1) never look stress
2) never look nervous (talk to girl like you talk to your buddies, dont talk to them like you talk to your angry boss)
3) dont be desperate (dont act like you're angelic and want to help doing every single things for her) <-sweet but do moderately
4) dont brag (dont belagak)
5) keep the conversation neutral, dont tell every single thinng you do, the achievement you've done, the awards you have won, NOTHING PERSONAL TO BE REVEAL, NOT JUST YET
6) ask OPEN QUESTIOn, dont ask close question.
i.e Guy: You smoke?
Girl: Yes
Guy:You come here often?
Girl: Not really
Guy: Nice dress you're wearing
Girl: Thank you

Got what i mean??

7) dont belanja them unlimited drinks. invite them to your table and join your friends**
**make sure you break her from her friends

HOW TO BREAK A GIRL FROM GROUP OF FRIENDS WHO ALWAYS PROTECTIVE
1) tegur the friend that you dont want first
2) introduce yourself to friend that you dont want first
3) then introduce yourself to all the friends there
4) after knowing all their names, turn to the girl that you want and ask her to repeat her name
5) pretend you dont catch their name and make fun of it (say some words with similar sound of ther name) - CAUTION, YOU WILL GET A PINCH ON THE HAND OR SOMETHING SIMILAR from the girl for making fun of their name - DO NOT CROSS THE LINE, dont exagerate, remember do moderately

ALWAYS REMEMBER CHINESE OR MALAY GIRL THEY ARE STILL GIRL, try to get to know their character, dont judge based on looks or appearance.

find a topic you can relate. observe the surrounding. observe what she does (NOT STALKING, but observing for research purpose)
again, do moderately.

GOOD LUCK!!

SHINGYEE said...

Haha... it seems like my blog has turned into a relationship blog..
Guess thats a good surprise.. =p

Thank you Kambeng Jantan for your lovely love advices. I think you got some of the parts right.. well.. most of it anyway..

But guys and girls, love is not a game and you cannot have a gameplan to it... I strongly recommend you all to be yourself around the person you like, and yea.. I'm sure things would go well, if it doesn't, then maybe its not meant to be...

I once know a guy who is great at picking up girls, he dates the hottest girl, even models... but hey.. I think I shall keep it for another blog post.. =p

jiar said...

it's true, you're marrying the love of your life, not your parents. i'm going to live the rest of my life with the guy, not my dad, so who's he to day?

but it's hard, so hard. i'm ready to endure it all, but there's the nagging feeling of... whether is this enough?

*envious of yeewon and her khairi :[

jiar said...

say*

sarah termizi said...

Waah. Nice story indeed. Ive bookmarked your blog btw, haha.

Im kinda in the same relationship too. Im Malay and my bf is chinese. We've been together for nearly 2 yrs. In fact, I've only dated chinese. My previous (ex)bf was also chinese. Ive never had a malay bf, frankly. lol. I never thought that chinese would like me u know. Tengok2, dua2 bf also chinese *teehee.

Everything is going so well, except for the fact that my parents doesnt approve him cos of his race. pfft.

But what the heck, being the rebellious one that i am, i decided to ignore them and continue with the relationship. I think im just gonna remind them that my bf is chinese few months before we get married (which will b yrs to come, since Im only 19 and he's 21, hehe).

Do u hv any suggestions on how to introduce a differentrace-bf/gf to parents?

Ive always wanted to know how other people (who are also involved in inter-raltionship)'s experience! Thanks for bringing up this issue.. love it girll *kudos!

pZo said...

The only problem in the relationship is religion, thats also the reason why their family dissaprove the relationship.

That actually not a big problem if the family become more understanding.. once married to malay girl/guys, it is not like u need to cut off the relationship with the family.. its just a matter of understanding.. and whether one ready to convert to islam.

i too love to geting know chinese girl..if family is a hindrance, then i should fine orphan 1, as i am 1 also..

Stratasha said...

i really love this subject coz currently I am facing the exact prob. Me chindian (chinese mix indian) fall for chinlay (chinese mix malay)... *so much mixture*... unfortunately parents disapprove as me staying with foster parents who is typical chinese thinking although english educated though... afraid of me being a muslim. I was warn not to mix with any malay nor indians in future... gosh damn racist... but what can I do?

They r the one who raised me up and they r my family too...

I love my bf but really hard decisions to make... tough and sad... :(

SHING said...

Jiar: I agree with you, that we will be the one spending the rest of our lives with the other person. But I also understood your feeling, that tiring feeling wondering if you can ever endure all this things all by urself. Don't worry babe, I'm always sure that things will always work out. =)

Sarah: Hi, thanks alot girl! =) Wow Introducing a diffferent race bf/gf to parents, that's a pretty tough one, LOL. But well, I shall think this tru and post it up soon. =D

Pzo: yes I agree that its the matter of understanding. However,sad to say that parents can sometimes be really stubborn. =( sigh.

Stratasha: Hey girl! Don't be too stressed out alrght?! Everything will be fine, i'm sure. What I've told this fren of mine, I told her to go on with her BF, but don't let the parents know, and let things sort out by itself.
I know its pretty bad as Im quite close to her parents too but sometimes we need to determine our own future.
Like alot of the comments above said, it is us that will be spending the rest of our lives with the person, not ur family. Will you be truely happy to be with some chinese guy and knowing that you still have a spot in your heart for your bf?

What ever your decision is, I'm sure you'll make the best out of it, we are all here to support you yea! =)

Stratasha said...

thanks for the comment tho... really not sure what i really want... it may be difficult tho but it won't last long, still gotta face the truth one day... neway really thanks for the support... =)

Crystals said...

hey found ur blog entry while googling.

i'm also in a chinese(me, 19)muslim(him, 21) relationship currently. never excepted myself to date a malay muslim too. but he appeared and made me feel so much love. my parents are totally against this, and they also said 'indian or any also can, no muslims' because they do not want me to convert.

his parents and even extended family disapproves too. things are getting so hard. we've decided to go on a 'secret r/s' but he's very afraid that his mom will find out and chase him out (she did when he had his first gf at 17, she's super strict).

i want to give up but i can't bear to.

Tak Jung Ham 탁정함 said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Tak Jung Ham 탁정함 said...

You want to know what is the problem? The problem is not really with the Malays but rather with Islam. The notion of Islam is such that it cannot coexist with other religions. By this I DO NOT mean that Islam hates other religions/races because this is contrary to their re teachings. However, what I am trying to say is when both parties from two different races/religions meet, the non muslim would have to submit to the muslim according to islamic marriage laws. There can be no assimilation of religions which we see in countries like Thailand/Philippines where Chinese can easily intermarry with the local population with little to no problem.

The problem with a non muslim(chinese)-muslim (malay) marriage would be once you marry a Malay, your lifestyle would have to change drastically. People against this will argue with me that no. Islam is not equal to Malays as we can see that the Islamic religion is diverse. The Arabs, Malays, Indonesians, Chinese (anyone, anybody) can believe in the faith. However, the rules of islam would mean that you would have to give up your previous lifestyle and the fact that in Singapore the Islamic faith is intrically linked to the Malay race is irreplacable and true. Once you marry a Malay Muslim, that is it. You or your descendents would sooner or later have to Masuk Melayu(become a Malay) and hence there is opposition.

Had the Malays remained Hindu/Buddhists, the Chinese would have long assimilated with them. Until the day something drastic happens that forces the Chinese to intermarry with the Malay Muslim, the fact would remain that such muslim-non muslim marriages would be frowned upon.

Until Islam is rather to change its rules(which is impossible) and assimilate together with other faiths this would not happen.

This is the reality of life and we would have to accept it.

Tak Jung Ham 탁정함 said...

But then again, I see that marriage should be something between 2 people who love each other. No other people should try to break them up with factors such as religions.

I think that religion is a choice. If the girl/guy wants to convert to Islam, that is his business (though one can say that the views of family and friends should also be looked at, but this is another story)

If the girl/guy wants to convert out of Islam, that is again his/her own business.

We live in a free world a democratic one in the 21th century. We should be allowed to make our own choices. Whether it is Buddhism/Christianity/Hinduism/Islam, we should live it up to personal choice. We shall not force anyone to convert nor prevent a marriage on ground of religion.

the little town said...

my bf is a malay and i'm a chinese. he is 1 year younger den my, and we are already very serious, the problem is. my parents knw him. and they love him esp my mum. but on the other hand, only his siblings knws me but his parents are aware tht he has a gf. but they had nvr seen me before.

i am willing to convert not because of him but i am converting because of the religeon. but i am afraid because i am a chinese his parents will object us being tgt. and he is rather a family boy. to him family comes first. but to me he stands the same as my family.

can i knw what am i suppose to do or be ready for?

www.nvrsaydie.blogspot.com said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
bonnie said...

i m in a dilemma now. i got to know a malay guy and i like him. he has a great sense of humour... we shared same dream. and to be honest, at the very beginning, i was smitten by his good look (he is mixed). my parents sensed something wrong and had jumped on me not to keep in touch with him anymore. it's a long distance relationship for us, as im penangite and he is in kl. i guess it turns out to be much more tougher than i expected. i think i need to think the whole thing over again, if i want to be with him. cause eventually, it will be either my family or him that i have to choose.

小气鬼 said...

give me some idea please.. :(
i've been in a relationship with a malay guy for 1 year. his family knows me and even i've been to his home.his family member treat me nicely :) but my family dunno him, as well i've try to asked for my mom's opinion but she's disagree with me. my brother also critics me when he knowing i m SMS with a malay guy.i felt so sad and helpless.
and during X'mas i decided to breakup with him....
but I realized that i wanna go thru my life with him.although he is not rich.he is an foreman.

Shing said...

Hey there, I'm glad that the both of you trust me and like me to answer some of your questions. Hope the below helps.

Bonnie : Well, LDR is one thing that is hard to maintain, this is something we cannot deny, but I personally have met a fren that his gf is in Australia n he is in UK, and still loving as ever. (Imagine the distance is 24hours flight away. Msia to UK is only 13) One word for any relationship to work - honesty. Tell your partner everything, and never try to lie and it'll work. ;) I truly believe that.

小气鬼: Yes, family can be a pain sometimes, with their thinking and conservative mindset. But have we ever wonder why was the reason that our parents stopping us from being with them? If you really think that this guy is the guy that you wanna spent the rest of your life with, then please don't let anything stop you because true love doesn't come by everyday. Start talking to your parents, understand their point of view, to see why they think Malays are such a influence and you tackle your problem from there. Slowly bring your bf into the picture by telling little information at a time.. That was how I introduced my bf to my parents as well, they are the parents that think we shouldnt date when in college but eventually they both loved my bf. :)

To both: End of the day, the power of love still lies in your hands. You need to rationalise the situation and think if its worth it. Make a decision that you won't regret. When I was in a relationship, I see my bf as everything, I even ditched my friends, so when he left me, I had no one but my family members to hold me up, n now I realised how important family is. I know this is going to be a tough decision for the both of you, if you need further advices or to talk, just email me at beingnaughty4@hotmail.com and I will reply soonest possible.

Cheers!

James said...

Hey I agree with some of the comment above. it is seriously not about the race, heck chinese have long assimmilated with autronesian, e.g. in thailand, in sabah sarawak, in phillipines etc.

it's the religion that is the issue. even my family, a christian sabahan, forbids my elder sister who was dating a muslim bugis. they broke up of course...

i don't know la..religion is such a sensitive topic

Mohd Rasydan said...

as far as i know, theres a lot of mixes nowadays...
i as a Teacher seen the pattern increases....
before, i only have seen around 2 or 3 mixes (especially Chindian and Chinlay) per Tahun (darjah)...
but right now it have gone up to even 2 or 3 mixes per class....
and yes, they are really good in terms of academics...

hassan_addin said...
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Yee Yan said...
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Jane tsq ; said...
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john said...

Of course the chinese family would oppose such relationship. Whenever the chinese marry to malay, the former would be forced to renounce his/her religion and convert to islam. This is just unfair to the chinese. If the malay are the ones that need to convert to christianity/taoism/Buddhism if he/she wished to marry a chinese, I am sure that the malay families would go against such proposal too.

jimmy_ng58 said...

my name is jimmy. also hv some problem with the relationship. I am malay n my gf is Chinese. the girl leave me after her mom don't agree our relationship. really sad. cz I hard to fall in love.the reason she leave me because I'm malay.she really hope that my races is chinese not malay.she had been pressured by all her family.lastly, she leave me. and she said better we just friend only. I really want to explain to her mom that, although marry with malay u also can happy. cz I have 3 friends marry with chinese at my workplace. last word she said to me that, she can make me happy at this moment but not promise to make me happy for the future. why this happen. now we live at 2011. also our prime minister said that 1Malaysia. but if this mentality cant change, our country will not improve and underestimate by other country. because there was a prof. from Uk said at the ukm, our country is not safe for to live compared to singapore. the reason just only the in our country,the mix marry is rare.Although our local prof objected the statement, but this showes to us the perspective from the foreigner.

mayling said...

I'm dating a malay guy for almost 2 years. In the 1st place, I already stated so many times that I don't wanna convert. he promised me that he won't make me convert and will prove it to my mom that i don't have to convert. he would migrate to marry me.he said he would do anything to make me happy. we are like the happiest couple in the world. but after 2 years, as he started to pray, he thinks that he was wrong and he is sinned by doing that. i said i agreed to be with him because of our promise in the 1st place. he cried. he said he really wanna take care of me and be with me together. he said maybe he can just be my forever lover.

acapu said...

just sharing my experience dating a chinese girl. Our relationship lasts for six months. We had a great time. Her grandparents approved our relationship but not her parents. When I was with her, I stayed at her grandparents house and I spent most of my time knowing her family. I am serious about marrying her and did everything i could to maintain the relationship. FYI, i was her senior and i was five years older than her. Things changed after I graduated from the college. She decided to call off the relationship and started dating junior (a chinese).

shakira said...

just sharing my story.
im dating with a chinese guy.. 15 years my senior.. hes very understanding n mature... our 3 years relationship aint easy (rejection from my dad)but we had a such wonderful time together... he always tell me that, sooner or later if our love is strong we'll be together... n thanks to God, our pray almost come true... my dad has soften his heart n let him become part of our family....

my advice is: if you really think that the person is your soulmate n person u want to spent the rest of ur life with.... fight for your love.... no matter how hard, it must be a way...=)

Juveryl letyl said...

Did you and your bf like.... had intimate relationship stuff?

The Owner said...

I'm Malay guy. My first ex gf was a chinese. Second ex gf also was a chinese. Third one was Iban (bumiputera of Srawak). I never been with Malay girl to be honest. I love being with chinese girl. I even can speak chinese well. OOne day, we have to call up the relationship with chinese girl.. Their family dont approve me. And for your info, those 3 gf (non-malay) all broke up with me because of religion.

I have something to tell you guys out there. We are the new generation of Malaysian. I hope during our son/daughter era, please dont disapprove or hate or throw them away if they seek for other races. Respect their decision. As long as they still remember us as their parents. We have felt this painful feeling so please dont do this to our chldren...

The Ballet Shoes said...

Googled and this page came out.. I'm facing the exact same problem now.. I'm a chinese (20) and he's a muslim (20) and we're from Singapore.. We're very in love and have been together for 5 years plus now and my family found out yesterday.. they are very against it and i'm not sure what to do..

SHING said...

Hi Ballet Shoes,

Oh no, I'm sorry you have to go through that. I'm sure you are having a tough time now. *pats shoulder* It's okay dear, do you want to email me in private, tell me more details and see how I can help you out? Even if I can't, at least you'll have someone to talk to.
My email is as below:
Beingnaughty4@hotmail.com.

Cheers,
Shing.

afiq said...

Hi, found this blog while googling "how to get a date with a Chinese girl" . LOL normally I wouldn't post stuff to seek advice but I really like this girl. Anyways I'm a Malay 19 and she's a Chinese 21 . For me, to actually find a girl I wanna date is really rare coz normally I just hook up with em so yeah in other words I really like her for her . So I met her at a house party about a month ago and I still can't get her out on a date. The status between us is nothing ..... Yet *laughs* so right now she's sort of avoiding going on a date with me cause everytime I ask her let go for lunch or dinner or even just o hang out , her replies are that she's busy studying or she's out with friends . I think our age gap might already be an issue for her plus now I'm a Malay . I even told her I'm mix Malay British(which is true) just so the Malay thing won't be an issue. (I know, a little desperate) but what can I say, I fancy her . So right now I don't know what to do ...... I've done all I can just to get 1 date with her . So now I'm just looking for advice to help me with my I problem ....

afiq said...

Can even email me if you want
antibiotic93@gmail.com

Unknown said...

I think a lot of parents reject mix marry between chinese girls and malay guys because of religion.
Religion is big obstacle in malaysia and indonesia that prevent more mix marriage between chinese girls and malay guys..if not there will be more of it just like in THAI......

Just look at Thailand....the country and the people.....they are corrupt to the core....and the chinese there look uglier.

the generation that produced by these mix are solely based on lust....

If read genetic study of chinese and SEA,
The southern chinese are closer to Southeast asia: malay, vietnam, indonesia, etc.

while northern chinese are closer to Northeast asia: japan, korea, and mongol....

the mixture of northeast asia and southeast asia produced the modern chinese look....

the Y-chromosom of chinese male (gene that inherited from father to son) are 100% from the southeast asia.....while the mTDNA (mother to daughter) are 50% from north, 50% from south..............

the chinese girls still carry those northern gene that's why they are more attractive (small mouth, light skinned) compare to malay girl (dark skinned and larger mouth)
but also a lot of chinese variety are ugly because they have northern gene and southern gene, small eyes (northern gene) with large mouth (southern gene)

female attracted to dark male (south).....while male attracted to light skinned female (north)
these north and south mixed create the largest population on earth: the chinese.....

in the west this is like african (south) and european (north) mix....unlike in the east where northerners and southerners have been mixing for thousand of years,

in the west they are separated for thousand of years, only recently they begin to mix like in america but still very low rate only 2% of ALL INTERRACIAL MARRIAGE in USA are between black and white.

because they feared what the children might look like...and white american think that mixing between black and white is gain for black while the white loose (physically and mentally)

that's why the chinese are looked down and discriminated physically because they carry these north and south gene....

just remember malay guy, when you reproduce with chinese girl you will create anothe chinese male in the future



Unknown said...

Ok one thing for you to consider from the most recent genetic study of asian population.....

http://www.plosone.org/article/info%3Adoi%2F10.1371%2Fjournal.pone.0016338


Chinese are the genetic bridge between northeast asian (japan, korean, mongol) and southeast asian (malay, indonesia, vietnam, cambodia, thai)

among east asian people: chinese, japanese and korean

the most mixed with austronesian or malay are chinese, as high as 40% austronesian/malay genes found among chinese in china.

about 1-5% malay/austronesian genes found among japanese

and only 0.05% found among korean

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Koreans

=================================
A recent paper published in 2009 shows Koreans have no Austronesian DNA, whereas the Japanese and Chinese have some Austronesian DNA in their genome. Among the East Asians, Koreans share the least DNA with the Austronesians, while the Han Chinese have the most DNA in common with Austronesians, indicating some interaction between Austronesians and Han Chinese.[32] The Japanese are shown to have slightly more DNA in common with Austronesians than the Koreans.[33]
=================================


but in terms of physical beauty,
which group that these malay and indonesian people love the most ?

first korean, second, japanese, and they dislike the chinese the most, while chinese inherited their look the most, wide face, wide nose and wide mouth only with small eyes.

one other thing.....

between malay and indonesian which is closer to chinese genetically?
http://www.plosone.org/article/fetchObject.action?uri=info:doi/10.1371/journal.pone.0016338.t001&representation=PNG_M

the INDONESIAN!

but Indonesian treated and discriminated chinese more than malays do, remember the anti chinese riot in indonesia few years ago........

if you read and study all these genetic studies, you kind of figured out what's going on....


Aerold Khai said...

Sight, sight, and sight. This topic brings me back to 3 yrs ago (High School). Although our relation is over, I just take it as my experience. Now we're just friend (Only God knows what is lie between in our heart). Just like in this song, Keane-We Might As Well...

Hakim Aziz said...

I think you guys SHOULD read this or in the other word, MUST read. Click HERE and see if you guys can decide into this interracial relationship, especially about converting stuff.

Angel yong said...

Hey..just stumble by and saw your post. Truth to be told..I'm in a same situation as you guys. Been coupling with my guy for nearly to five year. I'm a chinese ane he is a mix(indian, chinese and malay with a hint of european)We started way back in high school. My parents doesn't know about this yet his mum does. It's been crazy and fun in a way. However ..no matter how much time we spend..the thoughts of have to let it go 1 day ...this pain both of us. I know why his mum disagree..because she been through it . Heck she disagree to appoint where she forbid her sons to date any races in Malaysia and prefer them to date a white girl. It just I dunno what to do now..I'll be furthering my studies soon and he'll be busy with his last year in university.We won't be communocating much by then . So what should I do ? Any suggestion?

Izatie said...

my friend's big sister (malay) is in a relationship with a chinese guy. My friend said that his family approved their relationship .. :)

Danial Quek said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
jimianbu said...

Dear all,

Appreciate if you could kindly advise whether you guys could recommend a Chinese girl that are looking forward with Malay guy relationship please.

Thanks in advance for your kind support and understandings.

Best regards,
Jimi

Unknown said...

I'm at my 4th year in university right now. I'm a pure dusun(similar like kadazan-Sabahan). just need support from u guys, there was this 1 chinese girl, whom for me is a goddess from heaven. the first time i saw and met her, i was like 'wow, just wow' . i didn't expect anything from her because it's just too good to be true. but then, over time, i realize something and about 1 week ago, i'm really surprise because i think she's interested in me. and i can tell that from her body language, being a bit nervous and her eyes. i tried to look at her eyes for the first time and she look down and avoid my eye contact. because she's just too good to be true, i was thinking that, before i started to walk away, i might want to see her, and to my surprise, i caught her checking me out. our eyes stares at each other for few seconds, and she started to smile. i'm really stunned at that moment and thought, oh my, 'if this is true, i'm the luckiest man on earth' . actually, this story is kinda like what Kambeng Jantan post, she's a hairstylist and i often come to her salon. I hope that she is still single.

i'm a muslim by the way and i think i'm at least a moderate looking guy. my friends said my face look like a filipino celebrity(im grateful for that). my family is a very open family, my mother was a convert from christian. she was thrown by her family(about 3 to 5 years i think) when she married my father last time but now she's one of the pride of the family, and i'm really grateful being born in this environment where my mothers side will visit us during hari raya and we'll visit them during christmas. when her younger brother marry last time, we were at the church to celebrate her brother. its beautiful.

my wish is that, before i graduate, i'm going to confess to this girl. hopefully she'll accept and approve me. race and religion isn't an issue in my family and i think she is welcomed to my family. i pray to God, may He open her heart, same goes to her family. i'm ready to guide you and take care of you, my future wife, may the door of oppurtunities open for us. to her family, i'm proud to retain her original name and just be like that since it is the pride of the chinese tradition.

Lily Levin said...

I have to admit that you had wrote an informational yet interesting sharing Shingyee. I am very glad to know the truth that I actually have these like-minded people with me. Here is my story, I am a malay girl who has been dating my Chinese bf for 3 years now, I believe we are in a stable relationship. All of his colleagues and friends know about our relationship and same goes to my part. We love each other endlessly because we have going through the ups and down until one day my bf had confessed his plan to marry me. He invited me to come over his house during CNY last year but I refused because of the fear of rejection from his family makes me 'Kan cheong'. Almost one year passed and my relationship with my bf is still as happy as we are in the first year dating and we are planning to get married within 3 years from now. I am planning hard to get approval from his family by learning mandarin in order to communicate easily with his mom because she does not speak English and malay very well. Besides that, I have lots of Chinese friends too and I find no problem blending and enjoying their cultures. I am very worry and I don't know where should I get advise from and my mom once knew I am in a relationship with Chinese guy. She was very angry and she thought I already broke up with him now. I was very sad and because I love him, I still continue our relationship because he is depending on me. I am tired of hiding our relationship from both sided of family.

brenda chan said...

i absolutely loved reading through the comment section because it's so relatable.

i'm a singaporean chinese and my boyfriend is a malaysian muslim. we met during my overseas internship and i've never been happier. no one has shown their love for me as genuinely as him. when i told my mum ablut it, she was furious and did all she can to stop us from seeing each other until i managed to convince her to let him stay at our place when he visits and i once booked my flights to visit him before letting her know. this time round, i wanted to respect her as my mother and asked her for permission to visit him however she rejected and asked me why i would do such things (referring to my relationship). we're not close with one another and it was hard for me to tell her but she's so headstrong in everything that i feel inferior to talk to her. it seems like it's impossible for me to talk to her about this without being put down each time. we really do love one another and even though it's a long distance relationship, we're always honest with each other. we even have plans to live in the same country and for our future because we're really serious about it.

i just wish my mum was more understand and thought about how i feel before assuming. my boyfriend may not be rich or handsome but he has the most selfless heart and that's all that matters to me. money won't bring me happiness but love will and i just want my mum to realize that (maybe because my parents are divorced).

i'd love to get some advices. thank you!

- said...

Hi, I'm melanau muslim and idk why suddenly I fall for chinese girl since 2014.
I've interested with this chinese girl which is same class to me (we are from different class before and came with same class on form 4)..
So I started to talk to her, try to close to her.. Make her laugh..
I always asking her if she has a bf..
She laugh and say no..
One day I saw her alone studying.. So i join her..
We studying together and we also chatting about past.. Then i ask for her number and she gave it to me :)
I didn't realized that she likes me when she want to by my side when we taking a class pic on sports day..
Then, i make a stupid mistakes by making her jealous (i tell to my friend that i like another girl)..
Since that day, she avoided me and don't want to talk to me anymore..
She think that i friendzoned her..
I'm so sad and she still don't want to be with me again..
But, i really enjoy our good times before..
She blocked me on fb now.

P/s : every girls no matter what their race are, they would attracted to you as long you treat her nicely (more than her friend did), smile at her, getting now about her deeper, make her laugh (no need to be a comedians, just simple)..
Oh ya, be mysterious! Dont always by her side. Try to 'gone' for moment like dont reply to her text or say hi to her.
Warning : never make her jealous as possible because not all girls are same.
If she loves you, she would always be happy by your side :)

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