4 March 2008

painful truth

Today i was told a painful truth.
I pretended as if i dont care., but in my heart i was freaking out.

This morning dad told me that my mum is going to lose her job, because her company is being take over by some other company.
"Why can't the new boss keep her then? since she worked there for so long." i asked my dad. He said cuz the boss already have his own crew.
*sigh* guess the adult world is really that complicated.

Then my dad said to me, : "U better go do your PTPTN thing soon, and hand in up before its too late, cuz if Ur mum not working d, and i got no job, who is going to pay for Ur studies?"

If you don't already know, my dad is a contractor, works for people to renovate house, and he don't get a job everyday, it depends if there's anyone that needed him to renovate their house.
how i envy those who their dad work as business man or work for some big company, cuz they never need to worry about money. =(
My mum is the one that is so call supporting the house, and her wonderful Honda civic. She was so proud of it, and says that she is the ONLY one working... but my dad is the wan paying for everything else like maintenance, food, my pocket money, internet, petrol, and every little things u can think of. But at least mum was there for back up, in case dad really runs out of cash, at least someone can support the family.
Now, even mum is going to lose her job, I felt so scare. I am so afraid.
Before this when dad told me about mum losing her job, I was still laughing and said it will never happen. But today, dad told me again in such serious manner, and i saw him uses all the new 5 dollars notes tht we use for angpaus for as my pocket money, i knew tht he wasn't joking this time. Dad even asked me to start looking for job, just in case.
That moment i felt like crying.

The senario kept playing in my mind, where i have no money to study, and im being barred from entering classes. I'm so so scare.
i don't mind not having my pair of new jeans and that pair of heels that i've been wanting to buy, i don't mind not going out from this day onwards, i don't mind not getting pocket money every week, i don't mind not eating again everyday breaktime.
I really don't mind, but I am so afraid, I'm so scare that i won't be able to continue my studies...
I love what im doing now... i really do...

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