30 day challenge - Day 1

Ahhh. So day 1 I’m supposed to talk about my single life. 

To be frank I don’t know how to talk about being single, because I’ve never knew how to be single, really. A little hard to believe, although I’ve been on my own for more than 2 years now, I still doesn’t know how to be single, not one bit. Most of you would probably know, since I’ve been single I’ve been having random crushes on people and stuffs, maybe part of me is still chasing for love and trying to stop being single. I guess I’m the kind of person that likes to give, like give love to people. It makes me happy when the person I care about is happy and when you’re single, it’s hard to give love to people, as in I don’t know how to be happy anymore. Okay that doesn’t sound right but trust me, it is not like that.

Anyway, I really never knew how to be single, I still don’t know how. Right now, I’m going through this strangely familiar phase that feels like a dejavu from 2 years ago. The whole getting over someone phase. Strange. This feeling is absolutely familiar, yet so…well…strange! It’s like one minute I’m happy, and the other I’m feeling all empty and alone again thinking about that person that I cared about.

Okay I know how many girls are going to roll their eyes at me, especially those that believe that single equals to being free and do anything you want. Honestly I have to disagree, in my own way. When I was attached, I feel like I could do anything because there was someone that’s always there for me, and always there to support my every move and there to catch me if I fall. Now, I have to think twice even for the smallest thing because I know if I fail, I’m on my own. So no, I disagree that single is freedom because to me, the best feeling is when you know there’s someone waiting for you at home after all the shit that you have to go through during the day.

I know I’m supposed to talk about single life but I really don’t know how so I guess I’m kinda the worst person to share about being single. I’m independent, don’t get me wrong, enjoy being attach doesn’t mean that I’m any less independent. I just enjoy having someone to share my happiness and sorrows with, and to be someone’s whole world. 

Well, I’m running out of words, all I can think of is how much I wish things went differently and how life could be perfect, a little sad I know but I have faith, that someday someone will turn up and make me their whole world and love me like how I deserve to be…. not that I really deserve to be love anyway, but I’m sure you get my point.  ;)