18 April 2012


Do you believe in guardian angels? I do. As cliché as it might sound, I think my biggest angels are my parents. I’ve never appreciated them before, especially my mum when I was back home, but I truly believe that without both of them supporting me throughout this year, I’d probably wouldn’t last another minute here in the UK.

My parents got really worried of me and wanted me to go home, but looking at them being so caring to me, just make me want to stay on more to earn more money to help the family out. And every single time when I’m down, they always have their way to cheer me up and make me feel better.

Yesterday was a terrible day for me. It felt like 2010 all over again and trust me, April 2010 wasn’t pretty (read here for a quick summary). It seemed like God wanted me to feel all the pain I’ve felt before and learn to handle pain like that again. It really wasn’t a good thing because when you’re heartbroken and just begun to learn picking up the shattered pieces, someone comes in and crush the pieces into dust and you’re just left there stunted  and helplessly staring at those dusty forms of the remains of your heart. I was lost, upset, terrified, and angry, but there was nothing I could do. I was at the other person’s mercy, if he wanted to spare me or to continue pushing me away. It felt like my happiness depended on him and him alone. I guess that is what love felt like. I haven’t feel this in ages and just when I beginning to rediscover the special feeling of love, it was crushed, stomped on and was never allowed to grow ever again.

Long story short, I got heartbroken and it was painful as hell. But this morning I spoke to my parents and even though they didn’t know about it, they helped me feel better and rediscover my options. They helped me open my eyes and see that life isn’t only about one thing or the other, it’s bigger than that and sometimes, changes can be good and because their love for me is so pure, I know that no matter what happen with me, they will always be there supporting me, catching me when I fall.

I’ve been telling everyone this same thing, I’ve never knew how difficult my mum must’ve felt before I came to the UK; the fact is, until now I can never imagine my life without them and I can only imagine how they feel when I’m always crying when I call home telling them how stressed out I felt.

Now, I have loads of things to consider and to weigh my options. But here’s a heads up, I might be coming home for good if everything turns out as predicted.

Till then, xoxo.

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