2 July 2010

Fairy tales don't exist, do they?

This is not the first time someone asked me what is the purpose of life, not in the religious way. I told them that life is all about the challenges, the ups and downs, and how we handle them. But I lied; ok fine I didn’t lie but I just gave a very general answer. Deep down, I didn’t want to think about it and I didn’t want to know the answer.

Life, such a heavy word to say, isn’t it? You can be so certain of something and the next minute before you know it, everything you thought you knew just changed in a blink of an eye. Then you start questioning yourself, if all this while, all that you’ve chased after, all those things that you’ve done, are they worth it? If it isn’t, then what is?

All this while, I told myself the main purpose of all this is for me to have the ability to continue my studies, to go chase after my dream. But after struggling with life for so long, I realized that I’m starting to lose track of what I’m doing and what I want.

I can hardly remember what is my dream, I can hardly tell what was it that I wanted, I cannot even imagine myself doing what I did before, imagine that. Then when they started asking me, what is life all about, I started to question myself as well. We fight so hard every day, just so tomorrow would come, but then tomorrow we’ll do the same thing again for the next tomorrow to come, so what is it that we are fighting for? How can you continue fighting, if you know there’s nothing in front for you?

I’m so comfortable with my life now, with what’s in front of me now and I’m so tempted to not look further. I want to stay here, to lead my life from here onwards, but a part of me told me to look further and try my luck elsewhere. Sigh. Guess I really don’t know what I want anymore.

So yea, what is life all about?

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