20 March 2009

don't read if you don't want to.

Since young, I was never allowed to follow any of my family members to what ever vacation plans that they have arranged. My parents never allowed me to go anywhere for holiday with my uncles and aunties. The only places I went was Langkawi, and Thailand because the company my mum worked at was doing well and they decided to hold the company trip.

I always wanted to travel, it is like something in my blood that makes me really want to do it. But I was never allowed that chance, that priviledge that every other kid enjoys. I could only look into my parents eyes, begging them to let me go to that Redang trip with my cousins, or even bring me to Genting, or let me tag along to the PD trip. But the answer was always a NO, and no reasons was given. None, at all.

All I could do was wait, wait until my counsins come back and show me the picture of Redang, telling me how beautiful or how much fun they had. Then I would go home, hide in my room, cry my heart out and then have a dream that I went to these places instead.

Silly me, I know. Everyone was telling me that I can go to all the places I want to when I grow up, or when I start earning my own money, but who would understand my feelings? None of you people can read my mind, or come into my heart and see how much pain my parents has caused me. I hate those people who are so lucky that they have been to different countries, I hate those who said "I don't like Australia because I've been there so many times already". Fuck, Don't you people know that I never ever even been to S'pore?

When I grow up, how old is that going to be? I'm grown up now, but I still need permission to go somewhere, and yet the same answer is still given. a NO with absolutely no reason. Fuck. I hate this place. Why can't they provide me at least a solid reason so I can tell myself that it's ok because (the reason)...

When I earn my own money? Those who know my future plans would know that by then I'll be too busy to try to pay back my debts. Yes, debts. Lots of them, and how am I going to travel? or better, with what am I going to use to travel?

A chance of a lifetime, denied by my own father.
FUCK, don't say you understand because you can't.


Meng Yoe said...

i actually do understand ;)

Shingyee said...

Wah, first time u reply on my comment box. =D

YeeWon said...

hugs babe. my parents went around the world and im always home to jaga the house. that's mean right? they say i can go when im older with my love ones (they are my loved ones)...but who knows what'll happen tmr? SIGH LOUDLY! but its okay la, think positive, life's good now in KL with my friends. hehehe.

peanut said...

yo.. first time here.. hope u don't mind me leaving a comment on ur sensitive post :P

experienced what u blogged about before. and i think i tried to ask for permission and stop asking them after some time, and start to do things my way. I think that would definitely be quite effective.

Parents do not study parenting. They learn parenting by the reaction of their children. So maybe you should teach them how to?


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