7 November 2007

i just wana be happy

I don’t like arguments. Why can’t we just have a peaceful life? I mean we basically live together.
You like to use money as an issue to shut me up. So what if my dad can’t afford to pay my bills? So what if I have to use your money to continue my studies? That is not an excuse for you to insult me or hurt my feelings.
If there is a chance, I won’t even ask you for money, I never did.
I never asked you to pay my for college fees, I won’t. If you think my study is nothing important, then you can just stop paying for it. You can even throw me out of the house and leave me to die on the street.
But let me tell you, you can’t kill me that easy. I’ll find a way to survive. And I will return.
I love studying, and I love to learn. But if I have to, I will stop everything now, roll up my sleeves and start working.
Like I said, you can’t kill me that easy.
All I hope for is that we can live happily like a family, a normal wan.
Every night I pray to god that I can have a better life, a better family, a better you. But I never did ask him to replace you, because I love you. Like everyone else.
How I hope that sometimes you can be like everyone else.
I just want to be happy.
If you realise, this is the 1st argument we had after since I came back.
I didn’t want to argue, I hate it, but I can’t stand it anymore. Your words are hurting me more than ever. I thought if I just forget it I can stop myself from talking back, I tried, but I failed. You actions to me is like sprinkling salt on a bleeding wound. It hurts.
I don’t want much. I just want to be happy. I don’t want your money either.
I just want to say. I don’t blame you. And…
I love you, Mum.

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