I guess the only reason stopping me from blogging is the realization of gaming, downloading series and playing sims is way more fun then typing out these little tiny words on my computer screen.
And the thought of thinking of what to write! Fuh! How tough is that!
Well, another reason which I kind of found out last Sunday during the horrible hike was that I lost the motivation that I use to have, it’s like the whole world gave up on me so it’s time to do the same – giving up on the whole world too.
Here’s what happened last Sunday.
Right, everyone with their sane mind or what not would know that I’m the worst person in sports or what so ever, not proud of it, but yes I’m the worst. Not to mention definitely the worst person to BRING along to a hike/ forest trekking especially a place like bukit hartamas in Cheras. (Never heard of that place? Don’t worry me neither till Sunday).
OK, so one day I was happily playing my FB games and JC asked me to hang out with his friends going trekking with them because “everyone wants to hang out together and it’s gonna be fun”. Because I know myself so well, I said no and didn’t want to go and embarrass myself in front of his camper/ scout friends because I’m so lousy in sports and did I even mention that the word STAMINA doesn’t even exist in my life dictionary?
Oh Well. Then I don’t remember what happened but I agreed to join, but I sure remember something about “WE WILL ALL GO SLOW and WAIT UP FOR OUR GFs” kinda thing.
But, they didn’t.
Well, last month I went trekking with JC’s parents too in Bukit Gasing, yea it was tough but I manage to finish it and came home feeling proud and happy and I was so looking forward to go again. So I thought, oh well, how tough can this new Bukit be, right? I’m sure I can do just fine. WRONG!
It wasn’t just another Bukit, it was THE BUKIT. The steps was soo steep is right on your face sort of thing and almost the whole journey was uphill uphill and guess what, MORE uphill.
Oh cut the crap, I was obviously the last because I suck at sports and stuff, and I was so mad that his so called FRIENDS so promised to wait up just disappeared. Like, literally. I climbed so hard with all my freaking energy and looked up, they’re not there! Wow, thanks guys and girls, I’m so happy you all “WAITED UP” for me.
Well, obviously I felt like shit and so embarrassed because I’m so lousy and all, and the best part, was all the climbing for about 4 hours, we ended up at a waterfall that is so pathetic, I’m serious it’s so small it won’t event fit my brother. Then another 3 hours back to land when its pouring out there! The rain was so heavy and the thunder was so loud! OMG I was freaking scare ok I wanted to die.
That was when I realized I didn’t have any motivation to move on anymore. As in, I didn’t want to continue climbing up that 45 degrees steep Bukit and there’s no reason for me to keep going anymore, which, coincidently is the exactly the same I felt about life.
I studied so hard thinking that I can get that loan from my uncle and head to UK and start an awesome life as a journalist and now, poof, all my dream flushed down the smelly toilet bowl. I haven’t started looking for a job, because I didn’t think it would bring me anywhere, because I don’t know if I can ever go where I wanted anymore. Sigh.