I'm always a perfectionist when it comes to work and such. I might not show it, but deep down inside, yes, I am. Maybe its the fear of being the worst, or the craving for that satisfaction of getting compliment of a good job, I don't know.
What i know is that I hate being one.
Had a final presentation today, for the horror movie i mentioned earlier. After 3 days of editing and only 6 hours of audio editing due to the lack of group members and also due to the time constrains of using the college's computer, we still finally manage to present the horror movie on time.
However, it wasn't as good tho, I mean the movie, the storyline is good, but the editing was not that great. Its actually normal since its my very 1st time doing editing, but yes, due to that unreasonable need to be perfect, I need my work to be PERFECT, or at least close to that.
Sadly, it wasn't, and it wasn't even close to almost perfect.
*sigh* and you were wondering why I hated to be that. *sigh*
Im tired, no, exhausted would be a better word to describe, disappointed, angry going to furious, and some complicated feelings which I am not able to describe in words.
Im angry at myself.
Im angry that I'm such a lousy time manager that I can't plan my time propely.
Im angry that I'm so lousy at choosing the right members that I ended up doing this with only one member by my side.
Im angry that I'm so bad at saying no that I allowed them to leave us doing this alone.
Im angry that I cannot do better.
Im angry that I cannot stop myself from getting angry
Im angry that I'm such a perfectionist.
Have you been through this stage where all the stress and anger accumulated till that certain huge amount and you tried your best to contain it till you don't even have the mood to talk about it and all you want to do is just to stay alone for a long long time?
Have you tried being that tired that your brains just stopped functioning?
I'm having both of that.
With addition of being extremely disappointed with myself.