Memories

wads comes in my mind wen v talked abt memories in presentation skill's class??an image popped into my mind..a picture of a person,a women....my 5Th aunt..y her?bcuz shez the one tat inspire me a lot wen it comes to talking n presenting..n helped me alot wen i hav competition..
she'z in her early 30's tis yr..n she'll always be 30..cuz she passed away on may 14 tis yr..she left without any last words,leave behind 2 kids,gave us sadness..n leave me having the biggest guilt of all my life..she left wen i was in national service,on a Monday.but i only found out on tat Saturday..i was shocked..u cant possibly imagine that feeling..losing someone u care,n cares for u..someone tat helped u so much but u cant do neting for her..n u cant even attend her funeral n be there to say goodbye..n wad makes me feel even more guilty is tat i was actuali havin fun on the day she was suffering..
i rmbr tat i was so excited tat day cuz im finally learning how to handle a M-16.. till tis very day,i still cant believe wad i did then..the person i love was suffering from death n yet im having fun ther..im such a jerk..i still blame myself..i dont wan her to go..not now..at least not wen i was an ocean apart from her..i dont even hav the chance to say goodbye..i missed her..the last tme i see her was on Chinese new yr..n then its her picture on her grave..but at least she'll always have a pretty look in my mind now..cuz they sed wen she left,she dont look lik her anymore..my poor aunt fell from her apartment which is on the 11th floor..reason unknown..some say she's suffering from a mental prob,i dont know..but i hope tat she did not commit suicide..for every1 knows tat its a big sins to end ur own life..
all the memories v had tgt is playing in my mind lik a movie.on the day v went to clean my granpa's grave,how shez fed us the chicken not minding to dirty her hands..how she taught me to speak better in public..how she taught me to apply make-up...they all seems lik they just happened yesterday..cant believe how cruel is life to take her away from us..cant believe how less time v spent tgt..there's so many more things i wanted her to teach me..but it'll just stay as my memories now..
dear God pls dont take away anyone else from me anymore..u can take away so many things from me.but pls dont bring death to my family anymore..i know its not possible...but i don't think i can stand another family member leave me again..i cant..