Simply Shing

The new beginning.

2012-01-04T17:26:00.001Z

Hello everyone, Happy4^th of January. Well, there’s no particular celebration to this day,just another ordinary day being grateful that we’re still here, stillbreathing. Plus, because I couldn’t make time for a happy 1^st of Janpost, we’ll have to make do with 4^th January.

My new year thus far hasbeen a crazy roller coaster ride, even though it has only just begun. It’s moreof the fun roller coaster I have to say. I have my best friend coming to visitme here in Hatfield, some situation with the Mr D, and then of course there iswork, which is always a pain in the ass. The upside of this ride is the peopleI’d say. The company I have with me is so crazy they make me cry and smile atthe same time. Perhaps some would like to know who is this Mr D, well, I’llleave the story to some other time, but just because there is no happy endingto that story and I don’t really want to ruin my semi-happy New Year post. ;)

Anyway, when I was alittle girl, I use to write down my new year’s resolution at the last page ofmy diary, but I’ve notice as the years goes by, the resolution list goesshorter and shorter; now, I don’t even bother to make one anymore. I’ve beginningto believe that a year with no expectation will give you the greatest surprise.

Well, that’s my 2012 fornow. How was your new year so far my dearies? Hope all of you enjoy a great beginningto a great new year.

With that, here's a few of my favourite pictures taken in 2011 with the special-est people in my life.

Blackpool Pleasure Beach, Summer 2011

Enjoying the sun with my boys at Hatfield Roberts Way. Summer 2011

Sending Gilbert's family off, November 2011

Blackpool Pleasure Beach in the teacup. Summer 2011

Best birthday ever, April 2011

Take me home tonight

2011-12-18T16:11:00.000Z

Strange. I thought I was ready. I was so certain that this time it’s real; I was all ready to face the world, to face love. But a little wave came along and I’m hiding under my covers again. Of course I didn’t think he was the one, it was too complicated to begin with. Love was never supposed to be complicated, it should come naturally and you’ll do everything to fight for it, that’s not it for him. At times I thought he finally let go of our differences and was really trying out, then he’ll blurt out the ugliest truth, it sounded like he’s known about it for ages.

All I remembered was him saying, I was never gonna be serious with you, and everything else he said just faded away. It breaks my heart to know that the reason we couldn’t be together isn’t because of we don’t get along or anything like that, it’s because of religion. Perhaps some readers out there could enlighten me, why should religion be in the way of a person’s feelings? Why should religion have a set of rules that the believers have to follow? If so, shouldn’t you first adhere to other rules like drinking, cursing first before you skipped straight to the marriage part?

I’ve always been a person that loved different religion, so much that I would get Goosebumps when I hear a muslim pray, and a small butterfly when they pray before eating. I love the fact the religions are so loving and accepting. But this time, I hated this. I’ve never been so upset at the other religion’s belief.

Anyway I guess I’ve learnt my lesson here. I gotta trust my head more than my heart. The last time I believed in my heart again, look what happened. I’m not taking leaps anymore. I might as well just stay in and live a plain quiet life than hop onto this roller coaster that gives me heartache every single time.

Finally ready.

2011-11-29T18:35:00.002Z

I’m done. I’m done hiding and running away just because I never want to get hurt again. Go ahead, break my heart if you want to because I now rather take a chance and risk getting hurt again, than to sit back doing nothing but know that nothing amazing will happen in my life.

I don’t mind if it doesn’t work out because then I know I’ll come back again as a stronger person. I’m ready now.

Fallen

2011-11-27T22:56:00.004Z

My mind is cluttered with all the thoughts, overflowing, jumbled. This is not writer's block. Just a complicated situation.

Left alone

2011-10-18T23:54:00.000+01:00

Of all the bad deeds I did and mistakes I made, they haunts me, karma chases after me with what I feared most – being abandoned, being disputed, being neglected, rejected. That’s what left of me now, a rejection.

I cry with regrets in my heart, grief of my sorrows, the constant pain that stayed. I kneeled and prayed, hoping God would lift my curse and grant me what I’ve lost. My prayers are left unheard. Neglected.

I reached out to the ones I cared and loved, secretly wishing for their forgiveness, their trust and love back. I was being pushed away. Rejected.

I can no longer bear the pain I hold, I can no longer face the sorrow I keep, the wound has become too deep. I can no longer even stand the look of my own face, it disgust me

Surrounded by thousands, but I’ve never felt more alone; putting up a smile, yet it’s merely another cosmetic to conceal my pain.

But a broken fragment

2011-09-28T22:51:00.007+01:00

Very often, it is the slow mellow movie that touches your heart most. I remember the first time I saw the movie “the notebook”, I barely cried. Only at the part close to the end, it was a really brief scene, my tears just started rolling. When that movie ended, I felt empty. My heart was. I wonder to myself if love like that will ever be possible for an ordinary girl like me, if I will ever find love again in this sea of people.

I just finished another movie by the same author. Took me awhile to finally pull myself together to watch “Dear John”, partly because some said it was too slow, and partly because I didn’t like that empty feeling I always get at the end of movies like these. Again, I barely cried watching this movie, only at the middle part when the father died. That was, also a short scene. There was no ending to this movie, all the room for imagination, all the uncertainties; it left me here feeling all empty again. I don’t know really, I don’t know if I can ever pick myself up to face love again. It seems as if I’m chasing after love, chasing after a relationship with a certain someone, but end of the day, it calms me to know that it will never happen with this person. Maybe that was one of the reasons I kept chasing, the fact that we will never happen and that love will never be in the equation. I long for love, yes, I long to be loved, I even long for his warmth at night as he hugged me to sleep, but that is not love, barely even relationship. I don’t know what this is, really, all I know is that no matter how much I pretend to be chasing after love, I’m hiding from it. All to avoid the feeling of being broken hearted again.

I was never the same. I guess a broken soul can never be mended, no matter how much time has gone, it remain broken. Each day I became more introvert than I was the day before, each day I miss him less and less but the scars remained. Each day I grew further from my past but drew closer to pain. I became this other person after I got back from Manchester, because it was in Manchester I realized that I’ve finally let go, that I was finally okay. But it was also in Manchester I grew hopeful, and as I got back I’ve learnt that hope is one thing I should never have. Not for a broken soul like me no.

Happy Birthday!!!

2011-08-16T18:50:00.004+01:00

This post is dedicated to my dearest brother Melvin Teoh, whom I knew for about nine years now.

He’s been there for me since Form 2 and has been enduring my crazy phone calls when I was at the lowest point of my life.

I even remembered last year, there was once I called him and he was about to head into the cinema, but he answered my call anyway, and patiently listened to me cry and rant over the phone.

We don’t meet up or talk often, but when we meet it feels like we’ve been hanging out every day.

This is the guy that brought me to have my first banana leaf rice in Bangsar, and went shopping with me and still camwhore with me. :)

*posted this picture because it was taken on the day we had the banana leaf rice. :) Sorry I couldn't find pics of us tgt

Dear Kc, I cannot imagine not knowing an amazing person like you. I truly thank you for always being there for me, now that we are in absolutely different time zone and different countries we haven’t been talking to each other much. However, I am certain that our friendship never grew apart and I know that we’ll still be good friends for the many years to come.

Dear bro, happy birthday to you. I will see you back in Malaysia, and this time, it’s my turn to buy you pizza vs satay, okay? ;)

Absolutely exhausted

2011-08-09T15:15:00.001+01:00

Maybe I shouldn’t be blogging at times like these but seriously, I’m absolutely lost and I have no one to turn to but my fellow blog readers and my one trustworthy good ol’ blog. Guys, I need hugs, lotsa them.

Have you ever wonder what if everything doesn’t turn out the way you want them to be?

Yes I’m all negative again, I know. Seriously, bear with me, please. I need to rant so bad I think I curse in my sleep. I mean, I got a part-time job that should be paying for my bills and rent but apparently due to the fucked up schedule of the company, I am now still on standby waiting for the supervisor to call me and tell me when to start. Oh gosh, how many times I need to say that I hate waiting. It’s troublesome enough waiting for someone that will never call or text, now I have to continue waiting next to the phone for my job call, wow! Life has such an amazing way of making dear Shing miserable.

Then, there’s this new home that is supposed to be an amazing new start for me, well, it is, but the only thing is that there’s no internet and the only reason I get to go online now is thanks to my dear Samsung Galaxy S with a data plan that can also work as a modem. The internet guy is supposed to be here but I guess like every English / British person I know, they take their own sweet time at doing things and again, they love making Shing wait. Though I know if this bugger don’t show up I can and will complain till his pants come off, it doesn’t really make me feel any better. For the tenth million times, I hate waiting and that’s final.

And of course, the biggest problem is the job (fine, that's not the biggest problem in my mind but what the heck), and this time I meant the proper full time job that requires you to go to work from 9 to 5 and it pays you properly and that you get to meet clients and get screwed by bosses (not literally). I need a career to get things off my mind, I have a life to live and without a job I have no money and without money we all know how things will turn out to be. Talk about stress.

All I want to do now is to go out, party, get wasted and not think about anything. I know, it’s not like me but I really want to get away from all this and I don’t know how. Honestly, I don’t have anyone to turn to that would understand me 100% and I feel stupid to be worrying about certain things already and I think it’s even stupider to tell it to my friends. I mean, if even I think that I’m stupid, who won’t, right? Sometimes I really wish there’s this person that I can talk to all the time, and have all his attention on me and me alone. Yes you know what I mean, but let’s not go there. I don’t want to drown my keyboard.

I know I have been in tougher situations than this but seriously, cut me some slack and just make things work already. I don’t think I can take any more stress and worry and pain than I already did. There’s only so much a person can take you know. Seriously, I am so done waiting. Right now I really just want to go home.

and so I thought...

2011-07-30T14:33:00.002+01:00

Keep me in the dark for I shall be able to see clearer, hear more and feel more.

Take away my sight to the truth for I shall find my way out, by letting go of the lies

Walk a step back as I shall take away the chances I laid out on the table

Keep away from me and I shall learn to walk away, with my heads up high and chin lifted

There is only so long one can wait, for their patience will fade and tears will dry…

Tell me something I don’t already know.

-S.Y Koh (30th Jul 2011)

xoxo

So much,

2011-07-27T23:25:00.002+01:00

Found out something else today and got me wondering if I've been a bad person. Maybe it's karma playing its part, that I just don't deserve to be happy.

I cannot stop asking myself one same question over n over again - what have I done?

Just like hana-maki

2011-07-26T00:09:00.004+01:00

OK, so I overreacted with my previous post. Like all Aries, my anger comes and goes… So… Though I disagree with what he did (for the fact the he had to lie to me, or put it in a different way – to tell me things selectively), I realized that it was really nothing. I mean, I trusted him in the first place, and I see no reason to change that… Yes, call me silly but I am such a softie inside (no, really), I forgive and sometimes forget, well, most of the time.

I know I might sound like some insane girl with serious mood swing problems, not to mention the disorder of following my heart way too extensively; and yes I do realize the fact that I just might regret it again few days later, but I am willing to take this risk of believing and trusting the people around me. Like I always said, give the world the best and it will come back to you, if I’m not willing to trust someone, how can I expect to be treated the same way, to be given the same trust? My friends always tell me that I’m stupid, that I trust people too easily and that I give in to quickly. But to me, I think it’s a risk worth taking. It is call a leap for a reason. ;)

*****

Anyway, here’s the thing about first love I promised.

It is not how long you are with this person, or if he was the first person that you got together with… but it is how they make u feel, that is what makes them your first love. It is how their smile warms your heart, how their touch makes everything seem beautiful, and how you forget the existence of the rest of the world when you stare into their eyes.

You’ll never forget how they first hold you in their arms, the first time you fought and walked away, the first time he cried for you, or the first time you cried for him, and you’ll never forget, the very first time you looked him in the eye and whisper to him the three little words that changed everything, the whole course of your nature changed, just because you love him.

The way he understood you, the way he made you felt, is just simply irreplaceable. The way he loved you, can be pretty boring at times, but it will never fail to bring a smile to your face every time it crosses your mind.

I always wanted more, I wanted more than just a boy that loves you, I wanted passion I wanted a life I wanted stability…. And then I didn’t have anything. But I wouldn’t say I ended up with nothing to be honest. I ended up with a lot of beautiful, amazing memories that fill me up with joy; I ended up with a hell of an experience, and I ended up finding my first love that will always be a part of my life.

Liar

2011-07-24T21:56:00.004+01:00

I daresay I often try to see things from another person's point of view, to understand the reason one do certain things and to forgive one another.

but among all the things I tolerate and give way, I cannot tolerate the betrayal of trust.

How silly of me, often putting my full trust onto people that I just met, or felt comfortable with, and often ended up with lotsa question marks on my head asking myself what did I do to deserve this. Why can't you tell me in the first place before you do such a thing.

This, is why I hate writing and showing people what I wrote, or just sharing my feelings with people. I just get disappointed every single fucking time.

Great job Shing.

First love

2011-07-21T23:51:00.001+01:00

Tell me about your first love.
I'm going to tell you about mine in the next post
:)

Absolutely, unbelievably confused.

2011-07-15T23:12:00.007+01:00

After giving some long and deep thoughts into things, I reckon he was right. I mean, I knew he was always right, but as always, my heart often disagree with my mind – the dispute between them two is just horrible. Sometimes I can hardly understand myself anymore thanks to those two and their endless argument among each other.

I know how this sounds, I know I sound like some nutcase pretending like my heart and my mind is two different people and I, on the other hand, is an absolute stranger that does nothing but look. Then again, I gotta be a nutcase to feel this way, right? To feel like my heart and mind never agree with each other and to feel their debates running in my head like some endless subtitle rolling… Well, I think in this case, this dispute, or competition, whatever you called it, the heart often triumphs. I think if I could put a personality for the heart, it would be like my best friend. I listen to it ALL THE TIME. Not that I want to or anything, but honestly, I was left no choice. Okay fine. I just listen to my heart more than the mind. What?! The mind is not that a good persuader okay.

Okay, that’s it. I’m officially sounding like an absolute nutcase, I know, it’s frightening but to be real honest, I can’t be bothered. I have been, unfortunately, hiding my thoughts and keeping too much of feelings to myself, to the utmost terrifying extent that I am suffocating from inside... The contemplation as the decision making process drew nearer, the mixed feeling inside comprises of the two most different feeling possible – fear and joy, seem to be drowning me. It somewhat felt like I was trapped in a tiny aquarium with oxygen taken away from me, and that the aquarium is strangely growing smaller every hour.

Right, I reckon most of you are scratching your heads wondering what this strange post is about anyway. From the dispute of heart and mind, to aquariums and decisions, it seems like awfully much to digest in a post isn’t it?

I am utmost apologetic about this, I just couldn’t do my usual happy or emotional or even relationship-related postings at this moment. All I need is to be able to clear off my mind and tell myself that it’s time to make a decision. That no matter how bad things might turn out to be, I am still going to be able to stand up tomorrow with a smile on my face, welcoming the warmth of the sun and the chilly breeze… I must have the courage to tell myself that life goes on regardless of whatever outcome it may be after the decision is made.

Right now, my heart shivers in fear and doubt, in distress and contemplation. Right now, it is weak.

I'm back.

2011-07-07T17:08:00.003+01:00

I know it’s been more than a month since my last blog; wait let me think of some incredible super-duper excuse for it… Nah... Just kidding, I already have one before I started typing. I blame it on the weather. Seriously. Sometimes it’s too cold I can’t even type on my keyboard and sometimes it’s so warm my keyboard burns! That’s why I don’t type no more. (okay I’m being lame now)

The truth is, I was moving around because I was homeless and then I didn’t have internet access. My uni accommodation contract ended early June and I had to look for a place to stay in case I end up on the streets begging for someone to take me in… So I traveled like god-knows-how-long to Middlesborough to stay with the bestie for a couple of days and then continue our journey together to Bolton (which is really near Manchester) and lived there until today, and my journey will continue as I head back to Hatfield this weekend. I feel like some homeless people running around looking for a place to stay lor. Stress die me.

Today’s blog post is just gonna be all about me and me and me because I want to and I know everyone wants to know my fabulously amazing life that involves a lot of moving and cooking and stuff. So anyway, pardon me for this extremely useless post because I noticed I haven’t been blogging and I think it’s time to update a lil about me now that I have some time to spare.

Okay… *awkward silent* I think I’m really not that type of blogger that can goes on and on talking about their lives because I really can’t and I don’t know how. So yeah. Maybe I’ll just show some pictures. I went to Blackpool last week though; it’s famous for its theme park and entertainments so we stayed for a couple of days. I really needed that break I feel so rejuvenated when I got back! Ok no I’m lying. I feel stress again when I got back to Bolton I wished my holiday never had to end. T.T

Spining round n round on the teacups. That's me, bestie, her bf Josh and his cousin Jordan.

Most photos are from Sher's cam, in fact all of it I think. :p Call me lazy but I no longer wanna bring my 7.1mp canon out with all these fancy compacts and dslr around. ;)

Random pic of me standing by the beach. Cuz it looks cool like that. ;)

Anyway, random thought of the day, do you believe that we only really fall in love once in our entire life? :)

I'm still alive!

2011-06-01T08:52:00.003+01:00

So I was talking to a friend of mine and he told me about this song, which I felt obligated to share it with you people. Well, it’s not anything new, in fact it’s quite an old song, judging by the look of the music video and all, but I find this song comforting and inspiring.

If you haven’t realized, this song is about a guy that would do so much for this girl, that he wouldn’t mind being her rebound guy, to wipe away her tears and help her stand up from her heartbreak. And this guy would wait and wait, just hoping to be the next guy in her life, and to make her smile again.

What I hear from this song, is not just some guy confessing his love to the woman of his dreams but I see this hope, this truth that should’ve been clear from the start. Yes there might not be this guy for you right now, but someday this guy will come… when it’s through, it’s through; who cares about that little boy that talk too much… and it’s the time to wake up and regain your confidence… This song somewhat connotes that if you are not letting go, you’re not going to see that person that want to be with you, and the fact is that this person might even missed you because you’re buried in your sorrow…

Why give up the world for so little? Right?

Turnaround.

2011-04-15T22:53:00.003+01:00

"If I know what love is, it is because of you"

So very emo right now. FML.

Imma nerd, shoot me.

2011-04-11T03:34:00.000+01:00

You know, I’ve always realized this strange phenomenon about myself, where I blog most when I’m at my busiest days! I mean seriously. I just got my website outta the way and I have a day extra to spare, to well, finish up my extremely long list of work, and guess what? I’m blogging instead.

You see, I’ve been very puzzled lately. I mean seriously. I’m dying to tell what I have in mind but I just can’t seem to find my words. Annoying, annoying. And guess what? I still can’t find the best way to tell it so guess I’ll save that for next time. But well, I guess I could share you some experience I had the past two weekends here in the UK, to satisfy your curiosity…

Well, the past two weeks wasn’t the most glorified weekend I had but I think it was something for me to think about. You see, I’ve spent the past two weekends clubbing and… hey I do need to clarify that I am no party girl, even though everyone says that I don’t look like it… well, back to the story, I’ve spent the past two weekend partying, and honestly I had a couple of encounter where guys come up to me, be really nice, and well, you know, show their interest in me. I mean I would understand if those are just some party gesture or something, like you try to get laid, but no, these guys are... well... strange... There’s this angmo that kept texting me and stuff. Don’t get me wrong, he is sweet guy but the thing is, I have this view, which now brings me to my point.

You see, they say that you are gorgeous, or beautiful, but hey guys, here’s the deal, of course I am gorgeous, and I am meant to be gorgeous when I hit the club. You’ve noticed my extra thick eye shadow and concealer and my gorgeous lips that are supposed to look this way thanks to my lip gloss? OK I don’t mean to sound sarcastic or mean, I’m just trying to say that we girls are meant to look beautiful in our makeups and since we are going to the club, we do try a little harder to look prettier than usual. The thing is I don’t want a guy that says I’m beautiful when I know I am. I think no girls would want that, or maybe they do, but I think they would want something more, well, at least I would. I am not always in my makeup and that beautiful straight long hair (narcissist cough cough), you should see me in my baggy home shirts and shorts, running up and down wearing slippers, me in my nerdy black framed glasses… See me when my face is oily from all the cooking (oh gosh now I sound so disgusting) and my hands smelling like garlic… If by then you still think that I’m beautiful, then we’ll talk.

I don’t know if you see my point, in fact, I’m getting a little sleepy to continue explaining my point… but if you don’t, I hope you find my post entertaining nevertheless. Well, heading to bed now, its 3.30am here and I need my beauty sleep. ;)

Looking forward.

2011-04-07T03:33:00.005+01:00

My work is piling up, I have a presentation in 10 hours time and 3 days to complete a 20 page website which I have barely started.
I don't know how am I going to pull that off but yea.

On a happier note, I can't wait for my birthday trip to Cornwall (heads up: pretty beaches and quiet town). :) Although that means I would also be dead when I come back, with all the assignments (cough*four essays* cough) to hand up right after.

Hey! Birthday comes first okay, it's gonna be like a replacement birthday for my 21st okay. Shucks, now you know my age. No but honestly, I don't care. ;)

I'll be leaving on the 12th and coming back on the 17th. Promise will try to blog. Anyone who wants a postcard from Cornwall, leave a comment with your address (or you can email ur add to me) and I'll send you one from Cornwall.

Till then,
Cheers!

Finally breaking down

2011-03-31T03:02:00.002+01:00

Feel like every step I take, I'm walking towards a dead end.
Suffocating.
Losing grip of everything I'm doing now. What can I do to get out of this?

Just want to get this done and over with.

That is it!

2011-03-26T04:44:00.002Z

I'm giving up. Just because I have ego as big as the moon.
I can, too. You know.

寂寞的四月

2011-03-23T16:00:00.000Z

十天，倒数着一个,不会到来的日子

Utterly confused

2011-03-22T02:31:00.004Z

You know you've fallen when his smile drives you insane.
You just know.

picture by Gilbert Goon

edit: btw, the picture have absolutely nothing to do with the post. Just thought it was nice. :)

Let my prayers be heard

2011-03-19T18:23:00.000Z

What a pain, really, trying to bring my parents here to the UK for my graduation... As I struggle hard here, scratching my head figuring out how to get the best deals and how to juggle with the only money I've got to bring them here, there my mum only worries about the money she might need to be "chipping in". Oh mum, really? Is it that hard to even pretend like you care? Care about your only daughter's graduation?

Why is it what we human often look at the objects around us, looking at our wants and not our needs? Why is it that we succumb to the luring claw of money, lust and other sins, when we can't possibly bring any of these objects to our graves? Why do we linger, upon the materialistic side of ourselves, instead of letting down our hair and for once be free, live life?

Throughout these years, my mum has taught me many lessons, ones that she doesn't even know she did. She has taught me with the value of money, but not from her point of view. Through her eyes, I've seen the importance of money, but also seen how ugly can one be when money is in play. It makes us forget, forget the true meaning behind love, and family. I strive to break away from that spell, yet constantly finding myself drowning into the whirlpool of its dilemma. I tried, really did.

I looked away from the past, the painful memories that at times haunted me when the night goes dark... I turned my back from it, trying to seek a brighter future, trying to instil love back into my family, trying to bring them to see beyond material comfort... Yet I failed again.

I just hope that they would understand.. I wouldn't mind working hard to earn every penny to bring them here; I only wanted the family to be whole again, to be filled with love and joy, just like before, when we were did not let money come between us.

I Do, Do I?

2011-02-15T20:28:00.006Z

Should I or should I not breakup? Is he or is he not?

Right, I’m sure in a certain period of your life, there will be this time where you are faced with these questions, be it from yourself, or from someone else.

You see, funny thing in relationship, is that we fight so hard to be in it, and when we’re actually in it, there will be times that we doubt ourselves and ask if we should end it. In this short three months, I’ve had countless number of friends asking me the same ol’ question again and again, should I or should I not break up with my bf/ gf, and how do I do it?

Truth be told, in the duration of my previous relationship, I too, faced the exact same problem, but never had the guts to confront myself why did I wanted to end a relationship I struggled so hard to sustain, or why do I even thought about breaking up when you can say I love you to each other every day? Now that I’m off the relationship, I had the chance to see things clearer, and to finally understand the mentality of all my friends, and even myself a year ago.

Well, when I was being posted with such questions, I asked my friends a question instead – where do you see yourself in 10 years with this person? Are you going to include this person in all your future plans? Of course some would tell me, “yeah why not, I mean, I love her/ him, I want to be with them”… Then there’s this other big question, is there any habits of his that you can’t stand, and are you willing to live with this habit for the rest of your life? Oh honey, please don’t fool yourself and say that he’s going to change, if he has been digging his nose when he drives for the past 5 years, chances are he’s going to do that for the next 50 years too… That, like it or not, is what make him, him. Hence, when faced with such confusion, always ask yourself these questions, but no, that isn’t my point. My point is, is this person your “the one”?

As cheesy as it might sound, it’s true. To be really honest, although I loved the guy I was dating back then, I did not see him as my “One”, not that he is any bad or something, it’s just a gut feeling that tells me so. And obviously, after seeing each other for a year plus, problems started arising because we couldn’t stand each other’s certain habits and behaviours. No it’s nothing bad or wrong, it’s just the way of life. In relationships, we grew and learn to love and be loved and to search for that right person that suits us most. At times you might spend a little more time looking and learning, but I promise it’s all worth it, because every minute we spend with the “wrong” person, bring us a step closer to the right person.

Of course, so much easier said than done, that was what my friends told me too. I mean, I was one of them, I knew he wasn’t the one, but I could never break it up because there’s already so much put into the relationship – so much time and effort and love, and how can one just let go? C’mon, we ain’t heartless or cold blooded beast, we still love even though we know that they are not the right person. Thing is, I know this is going to sound bad, but why settle for second when you deserve the first? And because you love this person so much, you have to let them go, let them find that ONE, that very one person that can love them the way they deserves it. If you know that your future is never going to be with this person, why drag them along? Why put them in misery and make them suffer? Why not just close your eyes and bear with this pain for a moment, while you know that they are a step closer to be with that person that they truly deserve? That, I think, is true love… Not everyone can do that, even I am only beginning to learn that months ago… But yes, that, I believe is the right way to love someone – to let them be with the right person, a person that will love them more than you are able to love them in your entire life.

P/s: I know I haven’t been updating, I’ve been busy and there’s so much going on right now…I know those are no excuse, I promise I’ll try my best to update every once in a while. :)

Love is in the air

2011-02-13T16:02:00.000Z

Happy Valentine's Day, love! :)

Busy Bee

2010-11-26T03:20:00.002Z

First of all, like to express my love to all that have emailed me, and have send me facebook messages and have talked to me. I'm sorry that I couldn't reply, as I sort of got myself stuck in my assignments. Hopefully this will end soon! :) By then, I will try my best to reply everyone, aite?

Right, now that I'm occupied with UK politics and what not (sadly), maybe some of you might wanna tell me what you want to read in my blog? :) and if I'm inspired, I shall write something about the title you choose!

Okay, that's it for now.
Cheers!

Dealing with heartbreak

2010-11-21T00:47:00.009Z

Received a comment from a reader, saying that she loves reading my blog and find my post on Malay Chinese Relationship really helpful. Thank you Nur Faizie, your comment brought me to tears (I was feeling really down) and made me realized that I need to continue writing, nevertheless. Also, an email from another reader from Singapore on the same post (which I have yet to reply), made me feel the need to continue blogging and if me sharing on my relationship can help people, why not, right?

Throughout the years, I realized that posts on relationship advices are something that people search for, and honestly, I myself have been searching for plenty of article relating to the above subject. Some might know that I’ve recently (or not so recent) been through a rough time, and even though things have become better now, from time to time I still Google for the same reason to figure out when will the pain come to an end.

Right, so how do you deal with heartbreak? Many people have asked me this question, and I myself was asking this question not very long ago. The thing is, many of us misunderstood, the meaning of getting over a person, or dealing with the heartaches… We often seek the shortcut to it, hopefully by the end of the day the pain is gone. Chances are, it’s not going to work because how is it possible to let go of someone that once meant so much to you in a day or two? If this really happens, it might just mean that the person never meant as much to you as you think. Or if you do find a short cut, share with us. (P/s: drugs & alcohol don’t count)

Well, how did I go through my heartbreak times? I cried, I rant, I did everything everyone said I shouldn’t do, because it meant one thing, it means that I was facing my feelings. The pain is going to be there, whether you like it or not, so don’t run away from it, face it and ask yourself, why did it hurt? Ask as many question as you can and tell yourself that, yes, this relationship is not working, but I’ve figured out why it didn’t work and I bet the next relationship is going to be better.

Nope, I don’t think that it’s always one person’s fault that a relationship didn’t work out, it is not entirely your fault, nor it’s his. It’s really a two person’s thing. The problem might have started long time ago, only you didn’t manage to deal with it in time, that’s why it manifested to what it is today. And no, don’t blame yourself for anything, you couldn’t have done it any better, this is life, we fail something, and we learn. Look at it this way, every failed relationship is a lesson for that true love that is waiting for you out there, somewhere. It might take some time, but never give up.

I know some of us, good friends will tell you what a jerk that guy is, or what a bitch that girl is, to dare to break your heart, but regardless of what they say, you loved this jerk / bitch anyway, isn’t it? Well, some people find it easier to get over someone if they regard that person as a villain, nothing wrong with it, just the way different people deal with this. For me, like mentioned earlier, a relationship is built by 2 people, and only 2 people together, this relationship can fail… So try to think what went wrong, and this is how you can prepare yourself better for the next relationship.

Throughout the years, I’ve learnt so much from different relationships, mine, and other people’s. Yet, I find the most “educational” ones are my own, because that is where we learn from our mistakes.

Yes, occasionally the pain still returns and those dreams can haunt you, but those are normal, really. The pain tells you that you are not a cold blooded zombie that feels nothing, you feel love, and because of this love, the pain exists. It’s not a bad thing, but you must learn to deal with it, give it a good cry, maybe, and tell yourself the next time it will be less frequent and less pain. Give yourself a goal, tell yourself that by next month, I will stop stalking his FB page, or think about him less frequent, or make 3 new friends. Making new friends always help, btw.

One more thing, no matter how much you feel like talking about this person, well, sometimes people like to keep talking about their exes because talking about them gives them comfort, as if he / she is still close to you… Well, don’t. Try not to. Really. It’s not healthy at all. Talking about this person just constantly reiterate that this person is important to you, and with that you will never be able to go forward. And it emphasizes the person’s good and after all the talk, your ex now seems flawless and perfect, making you think, “why did I ever let go at the first place? “ right? That is really just you messing with your own thoughts, so don’t. Try to let go a little by a little, eventually, you will see how it helps.

So how do you deal with heartbreak? To summarize everything, you can cry, or scream or shout, but afterwards, remember to pick yourself up and move on with your day. Never be afraid to face your feelings and just keep believing that something good is going to happen to you.

To be honest, I've stopped believing in love and promises (in a way), but I never stop believing the good in people, and that one day, I will too, meet the right person that can make me happier. This helped me feel better; I hope it helps you too.

Cheers!

Finally! :D

2010-11-08T16:22:00.001Z

Here I am, typing on my laptop after so long. I’m sure many of you realized that I haven’t been writing for a very long while now, well, to be exact, writing properly. Yes I admit it; I have caught the writer’s block ever since the incident. I became afraid of what I write.

I became afraid of so many things - about what would people interpret from what I wrote, about how he will make fun of me, about how my poor language skills will turn me into laughing materials for others. Hence I stopped writing, well, at least I stopped writing here on this blog. Instead, I wrote at a place where no one else can read, where no one else will be able to point at me and laugh. But even those aren’t proper writing, just rants, and rambles. Then I got so tired of rambling, eventually I stopped writing entirely. Ever since I arrived here in UK, I haven’t been “in touch” with the writer side of me.

I’m still afraid now, really, but I’m not going to let this fear take over me anymore. No matter how afraid I am of writing, of expressing myself, I think it’s time for the real Shing to come out again. The Shing that would go that extra mile to make sure no one dare to hurt the people she loved, the Shing that loves writing regardless of her lousy English - the Shing that is hidden underneath all the insecurity and fear.

I cannot tell you this won’t happen again, because I’m sure eventually, one day it will come back again – the writer’s block, the insecurity, the lack of confidence, but this moment, I feel good about me writing again and I promise I will try to write as much as I can. :)

Haagen Dazs

2010-10-13T11:10:00.002+01:00

Ok fine.

I know it’s my fault, arriving at the UK for almost a month now and yet, NO UPDATES about this place. Well, to be honest, there’s nothing much here. :p I mean, it’s a small town, I live in a small house with another 7 person and my house-mates are crazy yet I enjoy hanging out with them. What else? Guess that’s it.

Yes, classes have already started like last week, this is my second week of class, and I can’t understand a single word my lecturer is saying. It’s the Scottish accent, really. :)

Upon arrival, I’ve been cooking most of the days and I dare say my cooking skills has improved drastically, I mean, I did manage to made my own ABC soup, Peanut soup, Nasi Goreng Kampung, Tom Yam Noodles, normal fried rice, and etc. Who dare say I can’t cook now, eh? :p

Well, wend to London twice and here are the things I’ve bought on my latest trip. Everything from one store – Primark and it cost me about 75 pounds in total. I iz happy (and guilty).

Till next time when I’m not lazy. See ya!

Ben & Jerry's

2010-09-27T08:48:00.002+01:00

It's time, for a new layout.
Just wait till I stop procrastinating.
Teehee.

p/s: coming to UK has given me a constant crave for ice cream, even in this cold cold weather. ♥

The untitled, vol 1

2010-09-23T23:37:00.003+01:00

Hey everyone, it’s been awhile since I’ve updated on my blog, isn’t it? Or it just felt long because I’ve travelled from one place to another in a 14 hours flight so everything else seems like forever? I don’t know. But if you’ve follow my twitter or Facebook I’m sure most of you already know that I’ve arrived in the United Kingdom safely, and I’m pretty much getting use to the things around me. Just that there’s so much to learn and the jetlag (I think it is) is making me feeling tired all the time! :(

Well, for a person who like taking pictures , my camera has been sadly neglected over the past days as I tried to get use to the whole new environment here, hence you won’t see much of pictures here. But I’ll try to take more eventually as time goes by, so bear with the long, and full of words posts at the moment. :)

Nothing much to ramble about; this place is a quiet little town that has mostly everything, a shopping mall, a few supermarkets… Just enough for me to survive, I guess. Right, so before I go on and on rambling about my university, do let me share something that happened today, just a moment ago, with you darlings.

First of all, bear in mind it has just entered autumn here so the weather is sort of turning cold. Right, where was I? Ok, I was at an event organized by the Uni, something we called a “movie night”, watched two movies and when we came out, it was really cold, on top of the autumn thing; it rained so you can imagine how horrifying the weather was. I could see smoke coming out when we talk. :) Well, my place was some walk from the building we came out, so it was really a torture to walk that about 8 minutes journey. Then, I looked up and saw stars. :) Being a “Jakun” that have lived in the city my whole life, I was mesmerized and forgot how cold I was. Yea, tell me about it, but you can’t really blame me either, I think the night sky is really beautiful and it’s something we don’t see every day in Malaysia… Yea that’s the thing I wanna share, that I saw pretty stars on the sky. :)

And I also saw sunset, well, almost sunset, but the clouds was so pretty! :D Yea, I bet now everyone do realized how easily amused I am. :p

Oh well, that’s it for now, I need to go drink my Nestum because this is so freaking cold! :(

I love potato

2010-09-16T07:43:00.004+01:00

and yes. IT. IS. APPROVED.
Thank Goodness!
So it is bye bye Malaysia and hello ~~ANG MOH~~ UK.
Wee!

OMGSONERVOUSCANDIE

2010-09-16T03:32:00.003+01:00

One of the best news I've received this week. Thank God it's ready for collection. Now pray that it's approved.
Will update soon. :)

And you were sayin?

2010-09-13T04:25:00.003+01:00

I hate to admit this but yes, I iz freaking out.
Flying this Saturday but my Visa is still NOT APPROVED yet.
It'll be so embarassed isn't it? After all the farewells and then suddenly cannot go.
WTF WTF. OMG OMG. Freaking out.

Somebody please get me outta this mad house.

Hungry for some potato. :)

2010-09-10T16:31:00.003+01:00

Seriously, I am not in the blogging mood and hence the long abandon blog. Poor blog, it has been abandoned as facebook and twitter slowly take over its poor mistress’s world. Oh well, but now I’m back in action (not for long I bet), I guess it’s time for some short updates. :)

1) I iz no longer working in Sunway Hotel, my last day was on the 9^th and my colleagues made me cry, they bought me pretty gloves and hats and scarf. (sobs)

2) I’m flying off on the 18^th, but I can’t seem to recall the exact time to fly. Tell me about it. Guess part of me wanted to stay.

3) Nope I’m not done with packing, if you’d like to ask, I iz procrastinating.

4) Yes, you might have realized, I’m into using “I iz”

5) My visa isn’t approved yet, I’m getting worried. OMG.

6) Lost something important today. It has been affecting my mood since. Well, until I’ve got a touching SMS from someone awesome. :) But I’m still sad okay, I love that thing.

7) If anyone wants anything from my house (that belongs to me) or from my closet or something, let me know, I might give it to you since I won’t bring it over anyway.

8) I didn’t pack my luggage, just chucked everything in. Now it looks full even without the clothes. Apa ini?

9) Me iz sorry for the recent emo post on my blog, I got hooked to QuoteBook. :p

10) My biggest craving now is for a blackberry bold 2. It’s for me to keep in touch with those that matters. :)

11) Ok I lied, I want a ramly burger first.

12) Want to watch Resident Evil Afterlife. (hint hint) (fingers crossed)

13) I don’t know what’s for number 13.

14) I’m bringing Patrick J and Ninja to UK. Woot!

Ok, that's it. See you all soon, or not that soon.
:)

Bye.

Promises indeed

2010-08-15T08:10:00.005+01:00

Trust is a fragile thing. Once earned, it affords us tremendous freedom. But once trust is lost, it can be impossible to recover.
Of course the truth is, we never know who we can trust. Those we're closest to can betray us, and total strangers can come to our rescue.
In the end, most people decide to trust only themselves. It really is the simplest way to keep from getting burned ~ Desperate Housewives

Time

2010-08-14T03:52:00.001+01:00

Yes, time.

Isn’t time a wonderful thing? Time will eventually heal our wounds, it will slowly take away what used to be excruciating, it can even wipe away the tears that we’ve cried and make us feel better.

But time, isn’t a plastic surgeon… it will not take away the scar left behind, it will not conceal the marks that are there.

One day, you will not feel the pain anymore, but you will never forget that it happened and how it happened.

This, is how wonderful time is…

Death in the family

2010-07-30T01:19:00.002+01:00

One thing that I’m most afraid of, besides all the other things that I might have mentioned in my earlier posts, is actually losing someone. Well, who likes losing a person in their life, but what I meant is losing someone for good.

There has been a death in my family, not someone close, but I practically grew up with this person around and because he lives next door to my grandmother, I use to see him every weekend. His death was pretty much expected, he was diagnosed with cancer at the final stage, and he gave up on all the treatments and has finally left us on Wednesday night at 10:30PM.

Of course I wouldn’t feel as much pain because I wasn’t close to him, he is just a distance relative but somehow, with him leaving, it added more to my fear of losing other important people in my life.

Truth be told, I was feeling really upset because I’m going away and I’m so certain that I am going to miss all the people around. Then this came up and make me started thinking again. I have about 50 more days here and the only thing I should do is to spend quality time with the people that matters to me instead of spending my time here sulking and being moody, right?

Ok, I can’t exactly think of a good ending here, but all things must come to an end, right? Just like our lives, so fragile, so precious and we’ll never know when it’s ending… So, promise yourself to live everyday to the fullest so when you look back, there’s no regret.

Rest in peace, Uncle Zai.

So addicted.

2010-07-24T13:10:00.003+01:00

To Quote Book

LOVE

2010-07-18T12:12:00.007+01:00

Love is a temporary madness, it erupts like volcanoes and then subsides. And when it subsides, you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion, it is not the desire to mate every second minute of the day, it is not lying awake at night imagining that he is kissing every cranny of your body. No, don’t blush, I am telling you some truths. That is just being “in love”, which any fool can do.

Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. ~ LOUIS DE BERNIERES

What if, what if's existed?

2010-07-17T16:48:00.003+01:00

This is a random list of what do I want now.

To eat assam laksa. (forgive me if food comes out a lot later, didn’t have my dinner)
To go to Genting, again. ;)
To do more photoshoot
To stop procrastinating and start doing what I need to do
To change my bedsheet.
To do mask but I’m too lazy
To eat my favourite pan mee
To have Dim Sum and good har gao. (hungry)
Potato.
To stop worrying about what’s done and what’s expected
To enjoy every possible moment
To go to Langkawi. :(
To go to Perhentian
To sleep now. Night.

P/s : Miss Shing is now officially graduated. Finally. Me iz happy. :)

Time for a decision?

2010-07-12T04:28:00.001+01:00

Life is like a bet, don’t you think? You are taking up a degree program in hope that one day you’ll become successful and reach the top of your career, but how certain are you that you will reach there? Plus, you’ve spent tens of thousand for the program and if things don’t work out, you’ve just basically lost the money you’ve invested.

We make tons of decision on a daily basis, but how would we know that decision is the right one to make? Small matters are like what you’ve decided to eat, and the bet is that your body might not take it and starts rejecting the food, to big matters like where do you go to further your studies, where do you choose to work, who do you choose to spend your life with.

There’s this friend of mine, facing a decision of choosing to give relationship a try again. He asked if that’s the right decision, but really, is there even a right or wrong at the first place? There’s only if you dare to take the bet or not. To take the bet, you’ll first have to know what you’re going to lose if the result turns out be something you didn’t want. And if it happens you need to tell yourself that you’ve anticipated it. That’s how one should take a bet, I know about some people who bet their whole life into something and when it doesn’t turns out right, they cry and whine and ended up committing suicide because they couldn’t take what they’ve lost.

No, life isn’t about winning bets, it’s about how we take risk while we speculate how to minimize the chances of losing, and how we take losing to a minimal level of pain Involves a lot of calculating, speculating and rationalizing. Might not be easy as we humans tend to follow our hearts a lot (biggest example would be me), but regardless of how much we dream about that happily ever after, we need to snap back to the reality and figure if this risk is worth to take, and if you can live with the consequences of such bet.

So, what’s that big decision that you’re thinking of right now?

Tough decision

2010-07-08T18:00:00.006+01:00

Seriously, I didn't know typing can be this hard. This is so much harder than I've anticipated.
I'm having a bad bad headache now. Sigh.

Just so I feel better :)

Oh, hi there. Sorry for not blogging for such a long time now, promise will try to think of something soon. :)

Till then.

Fairy tales don't exist, do they?

2010-07-02T15:55:00.000+01:00

This is not the first time someone asked me what is the purpose of life, not in the religious way. I told them that life is all about the challenges, the ups and downs, and how we handle them. But I lied; ok fine I didn’t lie but I just gave a very general answer. Deep down, I didn’t want to think about it and I didn’t want to know the answer.

Life, such a heavy word to say, isn’t it? You can be so certain of something and the next minute before you know it, everything you thought you knew just changed in a blink of an eye. Then you start questioning yourself, if all this while, all that you’ve chased after, all those things that you’ve done, are they worth it? If it isn’t, then what is?

All this while, I told myself the main purpose of all this is for me to have the ability to continue my studies, to go chase after my dream. But after struggling with life for so long, I realized that I’m starting to lose track of what I’m doing and what I want.

I can hardly remember what is my dream, I can hardly tell what was it that I wanted, I cannot even imagine myself doing what I did before, imagine that. Then when they started asking me, what is life all about, I started to question myself as well. We fight so hard every day, just so tomorrow would come, but then tomorrow we’ll do the same thing again for the next tomorrow to come, so what is it that we are fighting for? How can you continue fighting, if you know there’s nothing in front for you?

I’m so comfortable with my life now, with what’s in front of me now and I’m so tempted to not look further. I want to stay here, to lead my life from here onwards, but a part of me told me to look further and try my luck elsewhere. Sigh. Guess I really don’t know what I want anymore.

So yea, what is life all about?

Udang di sebalik batu

2010-06-21T08:09:00.001+01:00

The other day, someone told me that prawns are stupid because they will always go back for the bait, so I thought about it, and realized that humans are not very different from prawns, isn’t it? Human are actually quite similar to prawns, well, not intelligence wise but come to think about it, we humans are a tad like prawns when it comes to relationship.

We will always fall for those that don’t appreciate us, or those that we know will eventually break our hearts. Even when we are already hurt, our hearts are already broken, yet we cling on to them like prawns going back to the bait again and again after escaping from the hook.

Seriously, have you been hurt and yet you still secretly wished that the other person will come back to you? Or have you look at this person and deep down you knew instantly that this is not the person for you and will definitely leave you heart broken, yet you willingly offer yourself to them and couldn’t pull yourself away even though you knew it was already wrong?

Yes, this is just us human, we pray and hope for miracles to happen but end up leaving us sad and down and disappointed. Yet, we continue whining and sobbing and weeping, hoping that one day things would change and we are able to leave happily ever after. But seriously, how often does happily ever after happen?

don't bullshit me

2010-06-10T17:14:00.005+01:00

There's three things that I don't believe exist, at this moment.

1. What if's
2. Promises
3. Love

p/s: my imperfection is what makes me, me. take it or leave it.

I need a place to run away to. sigh.

So hot I'm melting

2010-05-30T08:21:00.001+01:00

I meant the weather. Really. :)

Ahah. How can you not love this man?

Pulau Ketam

2010-05-29T16:49:00.007+01:00

Now I know cycling hurts the butt and add bruises to my legs.

But let's do it again.
:)

Oreo Cheesecake

2010-05-26T15:17:00.005+01:00

1. I’m entering the 7^th month at Sunway Hotel and it’s not THAT bad, after all. AND… Pay check is coming out! Woot woot!

2. Both my favourite series ended and I have nothing to watch now. Maybe I’ll start with Glee.

3. I did something amazing, I started yoga. And has loved it so far, besides the aches that I’m having, of course. =p

4. Somehow when I sleep I always wake up at 5.00am sharp. Regardless of what time I slept. Wonder why. Maybe it’s something like the exorcist thing, only this is 5am and not 3am. Teehee.

5. Cut my fringe and looking hot. btw the picture is not edited. :p at least I didn't edit it.

6. Dying for the month of June to come faster, and please bring good news with you.

7. Suddenly football seems so interesting. It must be football season soon; I can smell it in the air. =)

8. (empty slot)

9. *Jump jump jump jump* I’m hyper and rolling around my fluffy blankie. YUM!

10. Ok bye.

Long hair short hair

2010-05-11T03:45:00.002+01:00

Everyone who knew me would know that I always wanted to cut my hair short, like above shoulder length which I had when I was 18. But then I’ve decided to give long hair a try and I let it grow long again, and it has been two years since. Now, I have really long and thick waist length hair

Of course, during this two years there are always the temptation to cut the hair short again, I mean, long hair are harder to maintain, heavier and definitely uses more shampoo. Then now working, if I had short hair I wouldn’t need to waste 15 minutes a day to tie it up, which also result to the dandruff that has been going on since.

Then I realized, I loved my long hair, that’s why even though how strong the urge is or how much hassle it brings, I could never ever cut it off. Well, obviously there are times when you friends tell you that you look great when you had short hair, and definitely at times their sweet talks and comments makes you feel like chopping that long hair off, but I never did.

I still complain about how hot that long and thick hair can make me feel, I still complain how at time the dandruffs annoys me, but it has been two years, a whole two years and if I wasn’t up for the challenges that I knew was coming, I would have cut that long hair away since the beginning, isn’t it?

Moral of the story?

End of the day if you’ve cut your hair, it could grow back, takes time but it still does, and if you can’t wait there’s also hair extension or wigs. But if you’ve made a rash decision on relationship, it’s harder to get it back, it definitely takes time, and the results are not guaranteed so if there’s a choice to be made, one must always think twice and three times with absolutely no influence from the people around because end of the day, everyone is biased in their own way.

The other day I went for a shoot for some blog shop, and the person in charge was a guy arranging all this for his fiancé’s business, the moment he told me his wife is going to pick me up, I felt really touched and looking at the way they were acting, it suddenly struck me and I remember how I use to have all this.

They did not hug or cuddle or PDA in front of us or anything but it was the understanding, and the way they worked together, the way how they understood each other’s need and how they cared for each other really touched my heart.

I often thought love needs to be sparkling and have the fireworks flying around, but now I realized that love builds on trust and on top of everything else. It is never about the sparks, but the commitment, and the willingness of one to go extra mile for the other.

你还爱我么？

2010-05-09T15:26:00.002+01:00

回来，好么？

Unavoidable Cycle

2010-05-03T15:01:00.004+01:00

Relationships are like taking a bus, when you’re waiting for it, it never comes. Instead, those that you don’t want to take stops in front of you, more than once. They come earlier, and way faster than the one you’re waiting for.

You somehow just wished that you can just hop on to any of those buses and pray that they’ll bring you to your destination. Not possible, yet we still dream of it once in awhile. Sometimes you might get into the wrong bus, and by the time you’ve realized you’re so far away from the station and got to start all over again. And at times you just feel like staying on the bus and see where it takes you. Yes the journey might be interesting, some new places, some new people, but end of the day, it’s the wrong bus and you’ve got to get down.

Then you wait, and wait, for the right bus to come around. It might take a little longer now that you’ve missed the earlier one when you’re on the wrong bus, but it will come. And when you’re finally on the right bus, you’ll feel so relieved and happy and the wait suddenly doesn’t feel so bad anymore.

Well, it doesn’t mean that when you’re on the right bus everything will be fine, but you’ve got to be patience, for example if there’s a lot of passenger in the bus, you’ve got to wait for a seat, or you’ve picked a bad spot and it’s freezing your ass out, you’ve just got to learn to accept it and eventually learn to not sit at that spot next time.

Because end of the day, you know this bus takes you home, and home is where you want to be.

So I wanna look pretty.

2010-04-20T16:19:00.003+01:00

Going nuts. like peanut butter without butter

2010-04-19T16:28:00.003+01:00

Now, I'm going to be frank. I am not okay so don't bother asking if I'm okay because if you asked I'd say "I'm fine no worries" anyway. Why am I not okay? I have not a slightest idea but it's okay. I'm currently a tad over the top hyper and feeling a wee bit mean with a pinch of boredom so do expect to see all this in this post of mine. If you don't like hyper flavoured mean with boredom then no need to continue reading okay because later you get cirit-birit don't blame me.. :D

Right, I was saying. If I could drive *okay I can drive just don't have a car*, I would drive myself to the nearest beach and sit by the beach and stare at stars. Love those shiny things on the dark dark sky. Ah... The stars.. Yum!

I have the worst addiction ever, at the moment. I'm overly addicted to Chili Padi. I added three (biji / buah) Chili in my Maggi yesterday for brunch and for dinner tonight I added five, into my Maggi. again. and it wasn't sufficient. really. GAH.

Oh and I was just reading a blog by this really pretty girl and I feel ugly already. She is cute and yet she called herself Fugly, Fatty. Cis. If she is really fugly I wonder what am I? Elephant? GAH.
*Takes deep breath*
I am pretty I am pretty I am pretty I have small boobs I am pretty I am pretty I have big arms I am pretty I am pretty. ok now I feel prettier again. ok I lied. :( Fugly Shing. I need to feel pretty again. I miss those photo shooting session that makes me feel awesome. Now I feel so, yuck. like really.

I really think being 21 is over rated. I don't feel any difference. And I haven't received like a tons of present so I don't think its any significant. Haha. What kinda logic is that... But I did bought myself a white gold chain to match my pretty key pendant and a new white gold ring. :) the best part? it's shiny. like stars.

Yes darlings I am stressed out hence the really weird way I'm blogging now. I almost absolutely no idea what am I typing yet I am so awesome that I manage to type out everything I wanted to say. in a really bimbo-tic way. but its okay. we girls deserve to be bimbo every once in awhile. especially when the whole worlds wants you to be some grown up with fake smile that you're not. :D

Tralala. Did I mentioned I wanna cut my hair? I is missing me pretty fringe. too bad I can't find a decent picture of myself in fringe. Oh well.

Okay. It's 12 am. gotta hit the sack. night everyone. :D

生日快乐，我对自己说。。。

2010-04-14T02:08:00.000+01:00

亲爱的，二十一岁生日快乐。长大了，是时候学会对自己好一些了，该学会去疼自己了。虽然今年事事不顺，但是千万别放弃，懂吗？该变得懂事了，别再长不大了。

别因为一些挫折就放弃，要加油。二十一岁生日的却很难过，但是请相信接下来的日子会很好的，因为老天是公平的，知道吗？

To the 2 years, and 5 days

2010-04-08T12:27:00.008+01:00

This is to the memories we had together.
and to us. for the one last time.
Take care. Hunny bunny.
Be good, now.

♥

Currently listening to Simple plan - I can wait forever

Red balloons

2010-04-04T12:29:00.006+01:00

Have you felt this way? You have so many things to say but they are all in short sentences so it couldn’t make it up to your blog page, yet it is too long to be on Twitter, but you have too many friends on FB to post em' up…

Life sucks, isn’t it?

10 more days! Should I be looking forward to it? You tell me.

Game of God

2010-03-31T11:27:00.002+01:00

Have you ever wonder if life is a game that God created and you are just a small part of this game where God are controlling? Sometimes when He is too busy with something else, he forgets about you and left you wandering around in the game all alone, bringing trouble into your life and making it worst. Maybe when your life is so screwed up, God will get tired and just delete your character from this game and proceed with other people?

I wonder if God has forgotten me, or if He is just testing my patience level, trying to make me stronger, by trying to kill me first. Maybe that’s why they said what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. Maybe God created it so he can see if you are worthy to continue be in this game of His.

I guess He didn’t have enough time for everyone on earth, or in this context - His game. So maybe He would pick and choose, to choose the eligible person, those who qualify for his full attention, and those who doesn’t match up to his expectation, will be left behind. I know by saying all this, I made Him sound so mean but I’m sure He isn’t at all mean, He just have to teach us that life is cruel as it is. I’m certain that He would still keep an eye on the rest, only lesser attention given to them compared to the “chosen ones”.

I am always a sucker for games like Sims, but now, I feel myself getting sick of such games. Because every time it made me think if we are also in the same situation from God’s point of view and if God is watching my every move and controlling if I should go do this or that, or if he have left his game for lunch and left me here screwing up my life.

I know some people, like me myself, are useless enough to only ask for God when we need help, when our life is in a mess and does not know how to resolve them. People like me are absolutely not worth of God’s attention, in anyway possible. Yet we still begged and cried kneeling before our beds and wished he would forgive us and begged that he would now give attention to us.

He is forgiving, I know. But this time, I just want him to delete me off this game. I don’t think I can or want to play any longer. No. I don't want this.

and I bought your favorite ice cream...

2010-03-16T12:50:00.004Z

Sorry for the unannounced short hiatus, as usual, but I guess these sort of thing will come more often as I am so caught up with work and stuff. Too many things have been going on and I really don’t have the time to sit down in front of my darling laptop and write, well, I rather spend the time catching up with my sleep. Seriously, oh by the way I have a strong hunch about this post being a post that is cramp with everything so if you find this post a tad too messy, don’t say I didn’t warn you. LOL.

You know how we always say time flies? It actually does, I mean look at it this way, I’m turning 21 in a month time and yet it felt like yesterday where I just graduate from primary school (yea there’s a picture of my standard 6 face on FB and made me go OMG). Well, to be more realistic, can you imagine I’m already working for almost 5 months now? Wasn’t it just a few posts away where I posted my first day at work? Hmmm… However, I’m still not getting bored of that view of Sunway Lagoon every time I walked toward Pyramid or that wonderful smell of food from Atrium when I’m walking to Pyramid. I find it spectacular, that one man’s vision can turn a mining place to such wonderland we are looking at today. Which brings me to what I’m trying to say, the future; don’t you think it’s scary that we’ll never know what is there for us? Me being me, I over think a lot and the feeling of being there in the future scares me. I mean, what if I can never earn enough money to support myself and fulfill my dreams or I can’t even afford a house and stuff? What if I never have that vision of what I want to do, and I get stuck here?

The future is so scary, I vaguely remember I wanted to get married when I reach the age of 25 (ok every girl has an ideal age ok I don’t want to get a baby when I’m like 40 ok)and I’m already going 21. Yet I don’t think I’ll ever be ready for it, marriage, I mean. Who will? Will we ever find the right person? You can be with someone now and that person don’t share the same view as you, making you think twice of ever being together forever with this person, or you are with someone younger and all they wanted to do is to have fun, or you are never comfortable enough with this person you are with to marry them, or even, you might have met this person but they are already taken, or attached, or maybe you’re with the perfect person but you needed to leave and commitment is not your thing now. How scary, you can meet the right person the wrong time and everything is screwed. I’m so afraid of this, so afraid of commitments and the thought of being with one person forever and trying to figure out if they are really the one for me. Wow. Tough.

Ok, I have a secret to share and after today it won’t be a secret anymore but it’s so scary I need to tell the whole world. I have the weirdest craving for babies. Oh no, I don’t want to eat them but I’d like to have one. Weird? I know. It’s so weird that every time I look at a baby I feel that feeling of ever having one and stuff, and I would imagine how she would look like. Funny but strange because I cannot afford to ever have a child at this age, I mean, look at the future I will be throwing away. Oh well, I guess it’s a girl thing that we all have that motherly thing in us, maybe? But seriously, I’d like to have a baby but can it just stay a baby and not grow up? Haha. Kids are evil, just look at my fat brother. Urgh. So if you have a daughter I don’t mind being her god mother haha. I’d spoilt her to the max, I know. =p Btw, one of the only things that amuse me is a cute baby, or a puppy. Such weird combo but it’s true. I easily gets distracted by these two things. The other day I went to makan and there was this couple with a seriously adorable puppy and it was seating right in front of me but outside the window… I was practically staring at it all the time! The only time I’d look away is when a kid came through the door, haha. See what I mean?

By the way, have you felt that you’re asking too much out of life and just wonder if you are too greedy? I secretly do. Alright not so secret now but I still wanted more from whatever I’m having now. Greedy Shing. Smack head. Talking about heads, I have this same song that's been playing in my head for three days now and it's not going away. It's a song called "ice cream" and it gives that really soothing feeling that makes you want to go to sleep. But three days?! The same song?! Well, I'm not complaining. :)

Someone borrowed my shoulder to cry on just now, and somehow she managed to made me feel sad too. Sometimes I wish I wasn't such an emo person. Oh well, too bad I am. Guess that's what made Shing awesome (as usual).

Oh, right, see what I told you bout the hunch. Messy, eh?

*winks*

A B C D E F G

2010-03-10T12:57:00.000Z

My heard bleeds, my mind plea
It felt like my brain is full with bees.
I can’t tell, if this is greed,
But damn it, I just want to be free.
Oh seriously.

Fuss Free Relationship

2010-03-07T04:54:00.001Z

Yes, fuss-free relationship is something that I personally think that is getting popular nowadays. I came up with the term fuss-free relationship but it actually meant relationships that have no strings. Like, no commitment. You enjoy this person’s company, you date and hang out with this person, to a certain extend you sleep with this person, but he or she is not your bf or gf. It’s a very selfish relationship but to some, this is a better way of life. Because you can basically enjoy everything in a relationship, minus all those commitments you gotta make, and the stress you face when your gf or bf questions you where have you been or what have you been doing.

Some came to me and asked me about this, whether this sort of relationship is worth going after. Well, because I’m such a love guru to my friends and have given a lot of advices to them, I guess I gotta have my say on this as well.

Honestly, I think its fun, to have a relationship without commitment, where you can be with the person you really like, yet you don’t have to go through all the hassles and problems people in the relationship faced. You can have this person here, and the same time go out with 10 different other girls, and she will not say anything because she is not your girlfriend. You can go out party all night and take loads of pictures with other guys and he can’t do a thing because, well, he is not your boyfriend, either.

Sounds fun? Yes and no. I believe the start of this relationship is fun but it will get complicated when it’s time. Why? Because humans are humans, we have feelings and it grows. Scary but true. One of them will start to feel jealous that the other person hung out with other girls, but she won’t be able to say anything, so as a normal girl would do, she hung out even more with other guys, and that leads to arguments and etc. Or they both kept things inside and one day things just became different and things are not as fun anymore. It’s not easy to find someone that can accept the person they like to be with someone else, that’s human. We are all selfish people so we hardly share, especially when it comes to something as intangible as feelings. So yes, I think this sort of relationship is hard to sustain, fun but hard to maintain.

Of course there can be an exception, it is either the both of the couple only wants to have fun and no feelings are involved in this situation, or one of the two has got to sacrifice. For example he or she has got to understand that things are mutual and even though it is not pleasing to the eye or heart, they’ve got to accept it as the way it is.

Complicating? Indeed.

LOVE? are you sure?

2010-02-14T01:00:00.005Z

Such a significant day, today – the 14th of February 2010 with both Chinese New Year and Valentine’s Day on the very same day.

Guess I’m partially glad that this year’s arrangement is this way that I will have to head back to hometown and won’t be in the big cities for Valentine’s Day. Never really liked that day, anyway… Who will if you’ve been staring at couples being extra PDA, girls with big bunch of roses when you don’t have any for, say, bout 20 years of your life?

Oh great, I’m feeling a tad under the weather on the first day of Chinese New Year, and this is not good, they say Chinese New Year are meant to be celebrated in laughter and joy but, honestly, I don’t feel much joy in me today. Not in this slightly sick and emo state of mine. Hmmm…

I think too much, I guess, every time when something happens, I think and analyze and think again! Sometimes I just wished that my brain can stop function for awhile.

Oh well, here’s a story for Valentine’s Day.

I met up with my cousins yesterday to catch up on their lives, not sure if anyone remembered this particular cousin I was blogging about but she is currently 24, married with 2 kids and her husband is 20 years elder.

What about her? Right, last year I asked her so much, like why she gave her third baby away, why is she making herself suffer like this and being with a man that has nothing in life, not even a driving license. Then her answer was typical, she told me that she loved him, she told me:”if I don’t love him I wouldn’t have gave him 2 children.”

Well, fair enough, when someone brings out the word LOVE, there’s nothing much you can say or do anymore, true? So I told her to just stay happy and don’t ever regret her decision.

Maybe you could’ve guessed what’s next, yea; last night she told me that she wanted a divorce with her husband. Reason? She met another guy. Yea, how ironic. Exactly a year ago she told me that she loved him, and now, wanting a divorce for another man, some man she met from some magazine’s friendship column, haven’t she learnt her lesson… sigh.

No I don’t blame her because it’s true that humans are unpredictable, and we are just human that we cannot control how we feel towards people. I pity her children, though, they both are still so young, yet no one is willing to take them in. The father says if he divorce her, he will not want to take care of the two children, and the other guy, needless to say, refuses to be a step dad of someone else’s child.

I guess I more or less understand where is she coming from, she is young, and she haven’t seen the world enough and yet she is tied down with two monster and a really old and clingy husband, who doesn’t seem to be able to give her a steady life. Who wouldn’t want to get out of that situation, true?

When we asked her, so what’s next? Since her husband is not willing to divorce and she is still seeing that other guy, what are her plans next, with her and the children? She couldn’t answer, and when she was staring at me helplessly, I felt her pain; I feel her contradiction inside, to be with the guy she likes now or to sacrifice for her kids… I couldn’t help her; even I won’t know what to do if I’m in this situation.

All I can do is to hope everything goes well for this cousin of mine.

Hmmm.

Happy Chinese New Year to all, and have a great Valentine's Day to all!

yellow mellow crazy fellow make a pillow

2010-02-11T14:07:00.005Z

Thank you for tuning into the random hour with Shing the random, you will find the list below extremely random yet full of bullshit and crap. Should you have any problem, kindly click on the x sign on your top right. Thank you.
Now, have a random day! woot woot!

- Shing is awesome, thank you.

- Do you know that Flu, Fever, Gastric, Sore Throat and Muscle Sores don't come well together? I just found out. Yikes.

- Chinese New Year is 3 days away.

- Valentines day is also three days away.

- Some people talk too much, fuck them. I don't give a shit.

- I heart potato.

- I have two pairs of new jeans, one new bed sheet, two new dresses, new panties and a new corset for CNY, and most of them are still in the paper bags.

- They are on my floor at this moment. Messy messy.

- I miss being a student, serious shit LO!

- *waves* because its random

- I had Balinese Massage today. Yum!

- Oh did I say I hate dramas? =)

- Looking forward to... oh well.

- Cats are freaky. this is for Sherree. haha. Puppies are cuter. =p

- I'm so into red, red blanky, red toe nails, red patrick, red....

- I just realised everything is so short so I shall try to make at least one sentence really long so here it goes I think it is long enough what do you think?

- Yes I'm stressed out. Tralalalala

- Good night! =)

玻璃鞋 Glass Slipper

2010-02-03T03:18:00.001Z

It may look good on you, make you shine, and let you become the attention of the day but who would know the truth behind those pretty shoes.

You’ll need to be extra gentle or it may shatter into a million pieces and cut deep into your feet. You need to walk really slow or it gets dirty real quick and you’ll need to re-clean it for the million of time.

It will crack easily so you got to constantly send it for repair and maintenance work.
Most importantly, it cost a fortune and yet at the end of the day it hurts your feet like fuck and leaves it swollen for the whole of next week.

The truth is, even though a pair of Scholl may protect and care for your feet better, most girls will still go after the pair of pretty glass slipper when they already know what to expect.

Now, tell me, if you’re a girl (which you most probably are), which will you choose? Would it be the comfy, caring for your feet pair of Scholl or that glass slipper that hurts your feet like shit and constantly needs extra care?

The catch for this question is, you won’t know if this pair of Scholl would last you how long, but you’re sure that because you paid so much for this glass slipper, it will last you at least for another 3 years and won’t go out of style.

Now, what say you?

A birdie told me...

2010-01-31T14:04:00.004Z

Shing just got herself a twitter acc.
and is still wondering what to do with it.

Weird.
=)

There she goes...

2010-01-28T04:57:00.002Z

I’m sorry I’ve gone missing online for awhile.
Not sure if anyone was looking but I know I do owe a lot of reviews and stories.
Promise that I’ll post them up soon.
I’m still trying to sort things out from all this confusion (well, long story)
Pray hard for me that things will work out.
As for now, happy New Year and Gong Xi Fat Chai

我好累了。
人说，休息是为了走更远的路，
可是我，能不走了吗？

28.12.2009

2009-12-28T12:52:00.003Z

It's coming. anytime now.

p/s: it's end of the month woot woot! Pedicure tomorrow!