Death in the family

One thing that I’m most afraid of, besides all the other things that I might have mentioned in my earlier posts, is actually losing someone. Well, who likes losing a person in their life, but what I meant is losing someone for good.

There has been a death in my family, not someone close, but I practically grew up with this person around and because he lives next door to my grandmother, I use to see him every weekend. His death was pretty much expected, he was diagnosed with cancer at the final stage, and he gave up on all the treatments and has finally left us on Wednesday night at 10:30PM.

Of course I wouldn’t feel as much pain because I wasn’t close to him, he is just a distance relative but somehow, with him leaving, it added more to my fear of losing other important people in my life.

Truth be told, I was feeling really upset because I’m going away and I’m so certain that I am going to miss all the people around. Then this came up and make me started thinking again. I have about 50 more days here and the only thing I should do is to spend quality time with the people that matters to me instead of spending my time here sulking and being moody, right?

Ok, I can’t exactly think of a good ending here, but all things must come to an end, right? Just like our lives, so fragile, so precious and we’ll never know when it’s ending… So, promise yourself to live everyday to the fullest so when you look back, there’s no regret.

Rest in peace, Uncle Zai.

So addicted.

To Quote Book

:)

LOVE

Love is a temporary madness, it erupts like volcanoes and then subsides. And when it subsides, you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion, it is not the desire to mate every second minute of the day, it is not lying awake at night imagining that he is kissing every cranny of your body. No, don’t blush, I am telling you some truths. That is just being “in love”, which any fool can do.

Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. ~ LOUIS DE BERNIERES

What if, what if's existed?

This is a random list of what do I want now.

• To eat assam laksa. (forgive me if food comes out a lot later, didn’t have my dinner)
• To go to Genting, again. ;)
• To do more photoshoot
• To stop procrastinating and start doing what I need to do
• To change my bedsheet.
• To do mask but I’m too lazy
• To eat my favourite pan mee
• To have Dim Sum and good har gao. (hungry)
• Potato.
• To stop worrying about what’s done and what’s expected
• To enjoy every possible moment
• To go to Langkawi. :(
• To go to Perhentian
• To sleep now. Night.

P/s : Miss Shing is now officially graduated. Finally. Me iz happy. :)

Time for a decision?

Life is like a bet, don’t you think? You are taking up a degree program in hope that one day you’ll become successful and reach the top of your career, but how certain are you that you will reach there? Plus, you’ve spent tens of thousand for the program and if things don’t work out, you’ve just basically lost the money you’ve invested.

We make tons of decision on a daily basis, but how would we know that decision is the right one to make? Small matters are like what you’ve decided to eat, and the bet is that your body might not take it and starts rejecting the food, to big matters like where do you go to further your studies, where do you choose to work, who do you choose to spend your life with.

There’s this friend of mine, facing a decision of choosing to give relationship a try again. He asked if that’s the right decision, but really, is there even a right or wrong at the first place? There’s only if you dare to take the bet or not. To take the bet, you’ll first have to know what you’re going to lose if the result turns out be something you didn’t want. And if it happens you need to tell yourself that you’ve anticipated it. That’s how one should take a bet, I know about some people who bet their whole life into something and when it doesn’t turns out right, they cry and whine and ended up committing suicide because they couldn’t take what they’ve lost.

No, life isn’t about winning bets, it’s about how we take risk while we speculate how to minimize the chances of losing, and how we take losing to a minimal level of pain Involves a lot of calculating, speculating and rationalizing. Might not be easy as we humans tend to follow our hearts a lot (biggest example would be me), but regardless of how much we dream about that happily ever after, we need to snap back to the reality and figure if this risk is worth to take, and if you can live with the consequences of such bet.

So, what’s that big decision that you’re thinking of right now?

Tough decision

Seriously, I didn't know typing can be this hard. This is so much harder than I've anticipated.
I'm having a bad bad headache now. Sigh.

Just so I feel better :)

Oh, hi there. Sorry for not blogging for such a long time now, promise will try to think of something soon. :)

Till then.

Fairy tales don't exist, do they?

This is not the first time someone asked me what is the purpose of life, not in the religious way. I told them that life is all about the challenges, the ups and downs, and how we handle them. But I lied; ok fine I didn’t lie but I just gave a very general answer. Deep down, I didn’t want to think about it and I didn’t want to know the answer.

Life, such a heavy word to say, isn’t it? You can be so certain of something and the next minute before you know it, everything you thought you knew just changed in a blink of an eye. Then you start questioning yourself, if all this while, all that you’ve chased after, all those things that you’ve done, are they worth it? If it isn’t, then what is?

All this while, I told myself the main purpose of all this is for me to have the ability to continue my studies, to go chase after my dream. But after struggling with life for so long, I realized that I’m starting to lose track of what I’m doing and what I want.

I can hardly remember what is my dream, I can hardly tell what was it that I wanted, I cannot even imagine myself doing what I did before, imagine that. Then when they started asking me, what is life all about, I started to question myself as well. We fight so hard every day, just so tomorrow would come, but then tomorrow we’ll do the same thing again for the next tomorrow to come, so what is it that we are fighting for? How can you continue fighting, if you know there’s nothing in front for you?

I’m so comfortable with my life now, with what’s in front of me now and I’m so tempted to not look further. I want to stay here, to lead my life from here onwards, but a part of me told me to look further and try my luck elsewhere. Sigh. Guess I really don’t know what I want anymore.

So yea, what is life all about?