I'm so sick and tired of both of you.
I wish I was never born, or I never survived the other time.
Then maybe things will be different.

Holier than thou

Half empty or half full?
I say half full. =)

ps: I'm feeling really mean lately, and there's nothing you can do about it.

Wishlist 101

*1 - That cute heels in Nose
*2 - That cute yellow dress hanging at the display window
*3 - a vacation
*4 - new lappy =(
*5 - iPhone 3G




Lets see, I guess I'm slowly getting that lil evil feeling called the HOLIDAY MOOD. teehee.
because it is my very last week in this company I intern in. (you all know why I can't put the name here)
and, it's another 22 days to my 20th bday! OMG I feel more mature already teehee.

Ah~

don't read if you don't want to.

Since young, I was never allowed to follow any of my family members to what ever vacation plans that they have arranged. My parents never allowed me to go anywhere for holiday with my uncles and aunties. The only places I went was Langkawi, and Thailand because the company my mum worked at was doing well and they decided to hold the company trip.

I always wanted to travel, it is like something in my blood that makes me really want to do it. But I was never allowed that chance, that priviledge that every other kid enjoys. I could only look into my parents eyes, begging them to let me go to that Redang trip with my cousins, or even bring me to Genting, or let me tag along to the PD trip. But the answer was always a NO, and no reasons was given. None, at all.

All I could do was wait, wait until my counsins come back and show me the picture of Redang, telling me how beautiful or how much fun they had. Then I would go home, hide in my room, cry my heart out and then have a dream that I went to these places instead.

Silly me, I know. Everyone was telling me that I can go to all the places I want to when I grow up, or when I start earning my own money, but who would understand my feelings? None of you people can read my mind, or come into my heart and see how much pain my parents has caused me. I hate those people who are so lucky that they have been to different countries, I hate those who said "I don't like Australia because I've been there so many times already". Fuck, Don't you people know that I never ever even been to S'pore?

When I grow up, how old is that going to be? I'm grown up now, but I still need permission to go somewhere, and yet the same answer is still given. a NO with absolutely no reason. Fuck. I hate this place. Why can't they provide me at least a solid reason so I can tell myself that it's ok because (the reason)...

When I earn my own money? Those who know my future plans would know that by then I'll be too busy to try to pay back my debts. Yes, debts. Lots of them, and how am I going to travel? or better, with what am I going to use to travel?

A chance of a lifetime, denied by my own father.
FUCK, don't say you understand because you can't.

Start praying, bitches!

Ok I'm pretty hyper with the songs all playing in my head.. hahah..
Sorry if anyone offended.. but well.. TOO BAD.. muahahahaha.. *hyperness*

Alright guys, here's what to pray for.
I have a chance to go to Vietnam for absolutely free, sponsored by Jc's very very kind and sweet mum.
HOWEVER... (you knew this was coming didn't you?teehee)
my dad does not want me to go, means no permission = no vietnam... T__T
No, don't ask why am I already (soon to be) 20 and still needing dad's permission to go somewhere.

boohoohoo

Yes KS (ks is my colleague) I know you went Sri Lanka during war when you were 20 boohoohoo, show off! *thank god he will never read this teeheehee*

So guys, I just talked to my dad and tried to convince him for the 12234625183 times. Lets hope this time he is convinced, eh? =)

So watcha waitin for? start praying for me... =D
I promise I will bring back all of you air and sand and rocks from vietnam, seriously. =D

Age 20, and she's gone, forever.

I found out that an old school mate of mine has passed away a few days ago. I was not really close to her so when I found out I was not really, u know, shocked... simply because I didn't really care.

But when my other friend visited me last night and told me more about her death, I suddenly felt the fear, and sorrow. She is just my age, and I can vaguely remember that she is a very quiet person, and she hang out with the other group that wasn't too fond of me then. But I can remember that she will always smile at me when we meet.

Her death was nothing more than an accident. Along with her boyfriend sitting at the back seat, she was on her way home in a friend's car, but the friend who was driving however, wasn't in a very good mood. So he sped and suddenly pressed the emergency break. The whole car swirled and knocked on another car which coincidentally was stopping at the side. The back of the car hit he other car and the two back passengers was severely injured. Yes, that's her and the boyfriend.

But is must be fate, that the two front passengers were only lightly injured. Driver has got himself three stitches, and the other got some light injuries on the left arm. But both my friend and her boyfriend died of brain damage and internal haemorrhage. I heard that her organs were crushed. Gosh.

I often wonder, what is it that these people have done, that God must let them die in such way? And I often wonder, how am I going to die? Will God have mercy on me and let me die in a peaceful manner? I wonder...

I wonder is it true, if they will see their life flashes in front of their eyes, if so... what is it that I will see? I am always so busy working and studying to ensure myself a "steady, good life" in the future. But what if I don't have a future? What is it that I will see the moment before I die? I definitely won't want to see myself busy my whole life, and ending up with nothing for myself. I was too busy trying to please everyone else in my life. I often spend money for the best things for my friends but never on myself. I buy my friends nice food but I will never by them for myself alone.

I've spent my whole life here, in Malaysia, doing things to please others instead of myself. I wonder, what would be the images that flash before I die... Or what is it that you all will see when you all stare into my cold, lifeless face lying in the coffin? A girl who tried her best to please others, or something else?

A good friend, maybe?

This is a link where i was so bored then I came up with something like this. Click HERE.

yippie doodah!

I have absolutely no idea of what to blog here and what is there to say but I insist on blogging for the sake of blogging and of course it is mainly due to the fact that I am unbelievably bored sampai-nak-mampus here...

Current status : stoning in the office and the possibility of dozing off in front of the laptop is 99.99999%.

I have absolutely no idea what I am typing now seriously I swear I'm just typing every single thing that comes into my poor little over worked head, but the thing is nothing is going in right now because I'm so darn sleepy that my brain isn't functioning, or was it mmg like that already?

Bah!

Dowan la like this very sien wan la typing nonsense.. but dono why i can't seem to stop typing wor, how? i think i must have "cannot-stop-typing-cuz-wana-pretend-busy-working-but-got-nothing-to-say" syndrome. I'm super sure that this can be fatal because sooner or later I will either get killed by me boss or by the ulat-malas-nak-mampus that is currently swimming freely around me... I swear i can feel them going... WEE! damnit.

















hah! you tot no more already right? hahaha.. gotcha! muahahahah....got summo wan i tell you cuz i lazy wana stop typing LO.. you think so easy meh i wana stop writing hah? U think i so rajin to stop acting rajin and show my real self as lazy meh hah? seriously LA.. I tell you all AH... i swear i know im crapping and you people wana slap me on the face and kick me in the ass.. come LA i scare you AH!

ok the end.
absolutely random post -.-"

haha..
seriously this is the end ad i swear..

no i'm not typing i'm just telling you all that i wont type anymore.
Seriously! (this is also not typing cuz i wana respond to the statement on top)

Ok la really end ad....
bye..
oi stop reading can anot...
why you all so annoying wan i say dont read LO!
see you read summo so means i have to type more right?
so kebabiness la..
tsk tsk..
making me type so much.. tsk tsk..
aiya i dowan waste my time telling you all not to read la because i know you all will keep reading wan i swear.


hah!tryreadingthisibetyoucannotunderstandwhatimtryingtosaymuahahhahaha...okbye.

In a horrible mood, and yes I mean horrible.
So leave me alone before I start cursing.

BOO HOO HOO

Bah! I don't like a working monday when it's suppose to be a public holiday... But what to do? Me in this sorta business... boohoohoo..

I hate it when I can't hang out with the important people around me.. boohoohoo.. Sorry Sherree babe, and Mr. Jc (Altho as usual he also got work) boohoohoo... Bah! I don't look forward working tmr...I wana spend time with Sherree go shopping and watch a movie and eat ikea meatballs boohoohoo...

I have a major headache now and I really wana go out for a movie, and have beef burger for dinner. ARGH. What a lousy sunday. Mum gotta ruin all my plans. great job mommy.

sigh.

Guys, bad news for u

I should have posted this up earlier, haha.
Oral and Anal sex is illegal FYI. Yes my fellow good friends, it is ILLEGAL... and why I say bad news for guys?

well.. just continue reading muahaha...

"Under sections 377(A) and 377(B) of the Penal Code, anyone who commits "carnal intercourse against the order of nature" by inserting the penis into the mouth or anus of another person is liable to whipping and imprisonment of up to 20 years. "

See what I told you, its illegal.

"However, the code only affects the male person who is penetrating another person, while the male or female person whose mouth or anus is penetrated will not be subject to any form of penalty. "

*points at guys and laugh* hahaahahha...
*falls on the floor*
opps...

"Under section 377(C) of the Penal Code, anyone who commits the same act without the consent of the other person is liable to the same penalty, with the exception that he or she will be subjected to a minimum of five years in jail."

Guys, if you want your girlfriend (s) to give you a blowjob, think twice... hahahaha

I'd like to be a boy for just one day.