When home is not home anymore

Where?
can you go,
Where?
would you go.

If there's nothing left.
No one cares,
No one bothers.
There's no more joy, merry or laughter.
What's left?
Only you thinking to yourself,
what happened?
Wondering if
all this can be turned around.

Wandering down the dark, quiet street,
by the gloomy moon, it is dimly lit.
Looking down the two leather piece,
moving towards the mist.
nothing..
but a silhouette.

Sparkling like a crystal,
it rolls down the cheeks, and away.
Helping itself onto the cold hard ground.
The scream, the pain, the suffering,
noone could hear.

It shivers,
as the wind whispers its tale,
passing by the poor little figure.
It's as though evil has the power
that takes away every warmth
that ever exist in her,
leaving only sorrow
slowly creeping,
taking over.

Lost,
seems to be the only thing that appeared.
The trail is endless.
Dark,
even when the sun is up.
If only time could be stopped,
and the calender is there no more.
Would it stop beating
and leave?
and the pain will end...

Summer? *splash*

Here is the blog post I’ve promised to post. It’s about Roxy Summer Splash 2008.

Well, I was a big fan of Seventeen Magazine and always attended their summer splash the previous years. Sadly this year it was a huge disappointment and I was really glad that I did not go in. This year’s summer splash was badly organised and so much problems had occur during that day itself. If any press going to say that it was a blast, don’t! I mean never! Buy that magazine / paper anymore. Fake news.

What happened was, that my best friend and I with JC went to pyramid on that day for the event, we arrived around 11+ and already heard from a friend that the crowd was crazily a lot, but we thought it was fine la, cause free stuff ma; sure everyone wants to go one le. But when we reach the pathway between lagoon resort and pyramid tower, the view was scarily horrible, what ever that mean. I mean I never expected such big crowd so early in the morning as the event only starts at 1 pm, and we were there like 11.20 a.m. So we decided to come back later, like around 2 pm, assuming that the crowd would be lesser as it is consider pretty late already, but when we went out of pyramid and step foot at the car park… My goodness, I swear you’ll never see this many heads gathering together in your entire life. Well, I don’t think I need to explain further about the crowd as the pictures below will tell its story, but let me tell u some stuff where you might not hear or see from other place/ press.

During the period I was there watching the whole people = sardine scenario, which is a short time around half an hour, a few girls fainted and got carried to I-don’t-know- where, but should be the medic or something la, common sense. Then the crowd had attempt to force their way in for at least four times between that short 30 minutes time, I wonder how many attempt they really did through out the whole time waiting.

Haha

There, let the pics do the talking.

- a girl fainted and got carry out

- desperate people trying to sneak in the event

- people forcing their way in

- have you seen this much heads before?

- this malay aunty oso want to sneak in

- the q is that long

- another Q at the other side at the escalator, which is also not moving

- more kepala

Well, in short, Roxy Summer Splash 2008 is a badly organised event with no proper planning and was a great disappointmet. and the second day newspaper reported that all the lockers was broken into and the everything got stolen, the police found a few abandon handbags in sunway pyramid's toilet. the worst part is that around 50 bikes got burnt and the whole car park of sunway pyramid was covered in thick black smoke.

Wow, Im glad I already left that place then.

I have more pictures but its so mafan when u need to upload them to here. I recorded videos too, but I don't know how to post it up here, so maybe later... =D

Family

What is family? What is home?

I always thought home is the place that gives you peace when you are facing a lot of stress and problems, I always thought that home is where you can rest and sleep the best because it is where you belong. I always thought that family are those that will give you a hand when everything fails and when everyone turns their back on you, you can still count on your family. I always thought I knew that family are those that will stay by your side and gives you a pat on the shoulder even when you fail on something, and I thought that family are those that loves you most.

Today, I am proved wrong.

I never asked for anything, I have always trying to be that perfect daughter that everyone wanted, I always tried so hard, to be the best, only to get a pat on the shoulder, a hug, and a smile, telling me that I did a good job. But I can never be the best, at least not at their eyes; I can never get that smile, that pat on the shoulder that I always long for, even after how hard I tried.

I understand the situation of my family, so I never asked for luxurious life, I never asked for branded cloths, handbags, or shoes. I always used my own money for everything I wanted. At times I lied that I still have money while I only have 2 ringgit in my purse, hoping that I can try to minimise the family’s burden.

Always, instead of peace, when I get back home, I always gets screaming and shouting, that’s why I always go home late when everyone is asleep, to avoid that noise that I’ve always hated. But they never understand.

I always envy my friends, to have great parents that they can chat with, that they can hang out with. I never got such chance, I never know how it feels like, to go shopping with your mum, sharing the same cloths and shoes; I never know how it feels like, to have breakfast served nice and warm on the table, with your mum telling you how she baked that wonderful smelling muffin or how she learned a new recipe and is going to try to do it. I miss those times, when every weekend I and my parents will go to the movie together, and then we will buy food and walk around the street before the movie starts. Then, everything disappear, like thin air, those happy feeling is no more there, leaving the screaming and shouting to take its place.

My friends always tell me how great it is to have parents that let you go anywhere you want, and you have all the freedom you want. But I rather have my parents calling me everyday at 10 o’clock, asking me where am I than knowing everyday and someone will be up waiting for me; than when I get home, what I see is that four cold wall and that dim little yellow light.

I hate outside food, it’s unhealthy. But I hate going home realising that there’s no food for me more. At times I really felt like I’m just renting a room at their place and home is the place where I sleep and bath. No warm looking smile, no freshly baked muffins, no yummy home cook food, no hug, no pats on the shoulder, no dinner, no LOVE.

What is family? What is home? I lost the definition.

Apologies

I was planning to post a new post regarding the summer splash today which turned out to be a very very huge disaster, but well, then i got time and did a little bit of thinking and browsing, so now i decide to post this 1st before i put those PEOPLE = SARDIN pictures up. got video summo. haha.


now, back to the post.

Lately, if u've read my blog you should have known that how we were all bombared with loads and loads of work.
I must admit, that I'm not a good temper manager as my temper gets very very bad when I'm stress.

*sigh*
must start changing d. =p


BTW,
here is a public apology to EVERYONE i know and not know.
because you knw ar, this wan ar, I got very bad temper ma, so hor, I think I did like ter-scold some people without even knowing what i said and all.
IM SORRY!!! I DON'T MEAN IT!!
T____T

Then hor, I also acted abit bitchy la to my friends and teammate, cuz hor, i wan to have good end product ma.=D ok la... i was acting very bitchy le. sorry mates!!! I DON'T MEAN IT TOO!!!
T_________________________________T

*relieves*
fuh, finally, all the guilt, I finally let them out. Dont worry people, I PROMISE to change! PROMISE!!
Promise to try changing. =D


p/s: wait for the summer splash pictures, i like!!! hahahaha

Please

DON'T
complain about others while you did not put in effort and help, while the rest tried their best.

DON'T
say how much you dislike a person before thinking from that person's point of view.
Not everyone same as you

DON'T
hide anything important that you think might jeopardise your good name from others.
People misunderstands sometimes.

DON'T
be a two-face.
don't like means don't like, confront that person, and solve the problem.

Disappointment

I'm always a perfectionist when it comes to work and such. I might not show it, but deep down inside, yes, I am. Maybe its the fear of being the worst, or the craving for that satisfaction of getting compliment of a good job, I don't know.
What i know is that I hate being one.

Had a final presentation today, for the horror movie i mentioned earlier. After 3 days of editing and only 6 hours of audio editing due to the lack of group members and also due to the time constrains of using the college's computer, we still finally manage to present the horror movie on time.

However, it wasn't as good tho, I mean the movie, the storyline is good, but the editing was not that great. Its actually normal since its my very 1st time doing editing, but yes, due to that unreasonable need to be perfect, I need my work to be PERFECT, or at least close to that.
Sadly, it wasn't, and it wasn't even close to almost perfect.
*sigh* and you were wondering why I hated to be that. *sigh*

Im tired, no, exhausted would be a better word to describe, disappointed, angry going to furious, and some complicated feelings which I am not able to describe in words.

Im angry at myself.
Im angry that I'm such a lousy time manager that I can't plan my time propely.
Im angry that I'm so lousy at choosing the right members that I ended up doing this with only one member by my side.
Im angry that I'm so bad at saying no that I allowed them to leave us doing this alone.
Im angry that I cannot do better.
Im angry that I cannot stop myself from getting angry
Im angry that I'm such a perfectionist.

Have you been through this stage where all the stress and anger accumulated till that certain huge amount and you tried your best to contain it till you don't even have the mood to talk about it and all you want to do is just to stay alone for a long long time?
Have you tried being that tired that your brains just stopped functioning?

I'm having both of that.
With addition of being extremely disappointed with myself.

sometimes

SOMETIMES
i feel like an outcast in the family.

SOMETIMES
i feel like im alone in this world.

SOMETIMES
i feel like im going to die of stress.

SOMETIMES
i feel like i can go crazy anytime soon.

SOMETIMES
i feel like crying till my eye balls come off.

SOMETIMES
i feel like asking the whole world to shut up.

SOMETIMES
i just wish that im not so emo when im stress.

New Semester Coming Up!

Tomorrow is the start of my new semester, which is my third semester in IACT.
WOW! so EXCITED!!! CANT wait!

*jump jump* *pause* *look around*

FINE! Im lying!
Damn i hate to start the new semester so soon, its so tiring.
I just wish i have MORE time to rest.... i need more sleep.
goodness, look at my eye bags. its big enough to carry two fuji apple already. T______T


My back is aching my eyes are soaring and my brain is basicly dead. and yet Im starting a brand new semester TOMORROW!!! U see? TO-MOR-ROW!!! *faint* (someone pls call an ambulans)

Yes, Im still stuck with my field production techniques assignment, its a shooting for horror movie, if u dont already know.
Yes its fun, damn cun. but hor, doing the shooting, editing and audio-ing all in 2 weeks time is damn freaking hard weyh. and the worst part is doing it only with TWO group members, inclusive of me, which means me and another member, and yes, with the help of my mr.BF(see, i acknowledge u ok)
This seriously suck. T_________T
I know i've said this like a million times in the previous post but let me repeat it again, ITS DUE THURSDAY!!!!! T_______T

kill me now. yes u. i know u hate me. kill me now. pls.

MR ZUL if you are somehow reading this or someone told you about this, can u please please do us a favor by postponing it again. pweese. *puppy eyes*












make it as a ganti balik for NOT teaching us anything useful the whole last semester la. I promise i wont complain anything about you anymore. PWEESE! *big wet eyes*